Tag: #griefheart

Logan’s heart – #griefheart number 153

logan-neale

This heart is in special remembrance of Logan Neale, a 19-year-old from Midlothian, Virginia who died in a truck crash. Logan was an avid runner who discovered that athletics could help him cope with his anxiety and depression. Logan also struggled with an eating disorder and suicidal ideation.

Like many with depression, Logan was empathetic about others suffering from mental illness and he believed in breaking the stigma that kept people from seeking the care and support they needed.  Like Charles, Logan attended Wasatch Academy in Utah. His mother retrieved this heart from the tree where he died.

The 2016 … Read more...

Oyster heart – #griefheart number 152

Oyster heart
Oyster heart

This oyster heart reminds me of all the family beach trips we took over the years at the Outer Banks. The last trip we took, Charles was suffering a depressive episode and it was hard to get him out of the basement room. He always denied suffering from depression which makes you truly feel helpless and even question if it’s your imagination. I would gently nudge him about coming outside and he’d come out and skim board for a bit and then go back in the basement.

When we went shell hunting, Charles would pick up any shell. He wasn’t … Read more...

Waterspot heart – #griefheart number 151

This heart will disappear in the hot sun. The love for my son who died by suicide will never disappear.

Thanks to Bethany for seeing this and snapping a picture before it vanished.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

Don’t talk me out of my tears

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Beaded heart – #griefheart number 150

These are the beads from the Out of the Darkness walk. Each color strand represents a particular loss. I was part of the bead ceremony which is an opportunity to honor our loved one and our loss. Here’s what the strands represent.

White – Lost a Child
Red – Lost a Spouse or Partner
Gold – Lost a Parent
Orange – Lost a Sibling
Purple – Lost a Relative or Friend
Silver – Lost First Responder / Military
Green – Struggled Personally
Blue – Support the Cause
Teal – Friends and Family of Someone Who Struggles

I really enjoyed my … Read more...

Heart on a string – #griefheart number 146

Heart on a string
Heart on a string

I can’t free my heart from my baby. When he died by suicide, it was tethered to my child forever.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

Funny Story. Charles was a roller coaster tycoon
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Mark’s heart – #griefheart number 137

Mark Edmund Moore made this for his mother on Mother’s Day. It represents love for his mother. And love for chocolate. Mark was born January 10, 1991 and died April 28, 2013 from bacterial endocarditis which is an infection causing congestive heart failure.

Mark had been in recovery for 9 months from a heroin addiction. Those with a substance abuse disorder or recovering from one don’t always die from overdose. It can be hepatitis from needles, accidents, suicide and more. The illness can put them at risk for a multitude of other illnesses later on.

This heart in honor of … Read more...

Cloudy heart – #griefheart number 128

The sky symbolizes heaven and I can’t help but stare at it a lot since Charles died. I have always been fascinated with clouds and the fluffy white ones are always so peaceful next to a Carolina blue sky. I have spotted a heart but didn’t get my camera unlocked fast enough and it was gone. But Esther, my household help for the last 20 years, captured this one and sent it.

I do have more than one cloud heart but when you have a child that died, you kind of want to “collect” all the cloud hearts you can … Read more...

Bruised heart – #griefheart number 128

When you lose a child, the bruise on your heart doesn’t fade like the ones on your skin. The pain of a bruised heart from the loss of a child is like no other hurt.

Some days you really think you can’t get through all the hurt. You weren’t supposed to outlive your child. But we find a way to go on. We lift one another up. We start a new chapter. And like a bruise, the process is not always pretty but we manage to get there like countless other mothers and fathers have before us.

What is the

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Puppy love – #griefheart number 127

Eleven months ago  Chaney Corley who was only 13 was pronounced dead. It was a death by suicide overdose and she had been rushed to the hospital. I met her parents online after they read my article about honoring my son Charles who died by suicide. The article published in February of 2016 and their loss was still so raw.

I feel like I know Chaney now. In this picture, she is making a heart with her first boyfriend and they snapped a picture of it. This one in honor of her upcoming death anniversary next month because I can’t … Read more...

Back to school heart – #griefheart 124

Seeing all the back to school supplies including this pencil pouch brings the ache of a life event missed since Charles’ suicide. I won’t ever see him go to college like his friends or graduate.

I am happy his friends are going back and will soon graduate. But I also ache.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

Love & Lace – #griefheart number 43

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Angel Devil heart – #griefheart 123

Angel devil heart
Angel devil heart

I remember when Charles picked this shirt out. It remember him in it. Charles always felt he had an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. I see a lot of angel/devil/demon references in his music.

Drugs were definitely a demon and made him feel as such. He hated himself for what they made him do. But I’m going to focus on one of his angel references that he wrote for Tiffani when he was at the Family School in NY.

“She’s my angel, so its only appropriate that she stay on my mind like … Read more...

Sunny side up heart – #griefheart 122

sharing-a-heart

You can find one in the sky,
You can form one out of rocks,
You mold one out of play dough,
You can shape one out of socks.
You can make one out of buttons,
You can stamp one in the snow,
You can fill today with
hearts everywhere you go!

Thank you for sharing your heart–Mary-ellen

(Mary-ellen is on my school program committee.)

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

Grateful Heart

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Poker heart – #griefheart number 121

card-heart

Charles loved games and he loved to play poker, too. He liked to play it with real money. Not big dollars but quarters and singles probably because that’s what he had.

He was a risk taker and a good strategist. For a kid with ADHD, he could play a game nonstop.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

Love of Games – #griefheart number 42

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Forever in our heart – #griefheart number 120

I love this poem and I love how the angel is right next to the heart.

Don’t ever think you can’t talk about your child or honor his struggle because he died from overdose or by suicide. Addiction is an illness. Depression is an illness.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

Before and After

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Sad sack heart – #griefheart number 119

bag-heart

This is the brown bag that contains the clothing Charles was wearing when he died by suicide. What do you do with something like this? I still don’t know.

So I just leave them in a bag in a box in the closet. I do take the bag out and hug it every once in a while. I also hug his backpack on tough days. His scent is no longer there which is heartbreaking. I wish there had been a way to capture his scent.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts… Read more...