Recovery heart – #griefheart number 190

A neighbor donated their car to Sherry, who has been in recovery for a year. When she sent me the picture, I saw that she was wearing a heart on her shirt.

It made me think about my own recovery from the loss of my son–how hard it’s been, how I have started to heal emotionally.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

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Would you ask someone with a heart condition to

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Half hearted– #griefheart number 163

Some days my efforts for getting up and dressed are half hearted. I do it anyway because lying about in bed won’t make me feel better.  There are times you have to fake it before you make it. Losing a child to suicide is so devastating, many days you can’t believe it happened.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

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Don’t talk me out of my tears

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Infinity heart – #griefheart number 161

An infinity heart is an “I love you forever heart.” I love Charles forever and ever even though he’s not here any longer.

This is actually a tattoo on the arm of my friend Beka Lombardo who suffers from bipolar disorder. Part of her recovery is giving back and being outspoken on the subject. This is what she has to say about her new arm artwork.

“The idea behind this tattoo is that if I ever got to where I felt like I wanted to cut or have suicidal ideations, I just look down and see Joe’s name and I … Read more...

Love an addict – #griefheart number 159

love-an-addict

Many of us love or have loved an addict. Their disease is not who they are and I want you to know that even when they are actively using, their real selves are alive and suffering. I can see from Charles’ rap lyrics before his suicide that he felt deeply when he was using. That he hated himself, felt guilty, ashamed, depressed and ostracized. But I love him and hated the disease.

quote-left My actions were ugly , teenage druggie, looking for anything to numb me, pathetic, scummy.
But you still love me. I would cry when I wanna die and … Read more...

Puzzled heart – #griefheart number 154

My heart is often puzzled. Why did this happen? Why didn’t I know? Why wouldn’t he admit to suffering from depression?

I can only speculate and his lyrics have helped me figure it out as much as I will ever know. It’s just really hard to put the pieces of your life back together again. To figure out your direction and purpose. To be able to pull yourself up from the depths of despair and live again.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog … Read more...

Logan’s heart – #griefheart number 153

logan-neale

This heart is in special remembrance of Logan Neale, a 19-year-old from Midlothian, Virginia who died in a truck crash. Logan was an avid runner who discovered that athletics could help him cope with his anxiety and depression. Logan also struggled with an eating disorder and suicidal ideation.

Like many with depression, Logan was empathetic about others suffering from mental illness and he believed in breaking the stigma that kept people from seeking the care and support they needed.  Like Charles, Logan attended Wasatch Academy in Utah. His mother retrieved this heart from the tree where he died.

The 2016 Read more...

Oyster heart – #griefheart number 152

This oyster heart reminds me of all the family beach trips we took over the years at the Outer Banks. The last trip we took, Charles was suffering a depressive episode and it was hard to get him out of the basement room. He always denied suffering from depression which makes you truly feel helpless and even question if it’s your imagination. I would gently nudge him about coming outside and he’d come out and skim board for a bit and then go back in the basement.

When we went shell hunting, Charles would pick up any shell. He wasn’t … Read more...

Waterspot heart – #griefheart number 151

This heart will disappear in the hot sun. The love for my son who died by suicide will never disappear.

Thanks to Bethany for seeing this and snapping a picture before it vanished.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

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Don’t talk me out of my tears

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Beaded heart – #griefheart number 150

These are the beads from the Out of the Darkness walk. Each color strand represents a particular loss. I was part of the bead ceremony which is an opportunity to honor our loved one and our loss. Here’s what the strands represent.

White – Lost a Child
Red – Lost a Spouse or Partner
Gold – Lost a Parent
Orange – Lost a Sibling
Purple – Lost a Relative or Friend
Silver – Lost First Responder / Military
Green – Struggled Personally
Blue – Support the Cause
Teal – Friends and Family of Someone Who Struggles

I really enjoyed my … Read more...

Heart on a string – #griefheart number 146

I can’t free my heart from my baby. When he died by suicide, it was tethered to my child forever.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

Funny Story. Charles was a roller coaster tycoon

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