These are the #griefheart pictures representing my grief journey
While I still hurt and struggle, I do feel some emotional healing has taken place. Each of the stitches in this #griefheart represents the love and support I have gotten from friends and family.
While it can be an isolating journey at times, the mending of a heart doesn’t happen in a silo. Thanks to all of you.
I explain my #griefheart project here.
See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.
The sky symbolizes heaven and I can’t help but stare at it a lot since Charles died. I have always been fascinated with clouds and the fluffy white ones are always so peaceful next to a Carolina blue sky. I have spotted a heart but didn’t get my camera unlocked fast enough and it was gone. But Esther, my household help for the last 20 years, captured this one and sent it.
I do have more than one cloud heart but when you have a child that died, you kind of want to “collect” all the cloud hearts you can … Read more...
When you lose a child, the bruise on your heart doesn’t fade like the ones on your skin. The pain of a bruised heart from the loss of a child is like no other hurt.
Some days you really think you can’t get through all the hurt. You weren’t supposed to outlive your child. But we find a way to go on. We lift one another up. We start a new chapter. And like a bruise, the process is not always pretty but we manage to get there like countless other mothers and fathers have before us.
Eleven months ago Chaney Corley who was only 13 was pronounced dead. It was a death by suicide overdose and she had been rushed to the hospital. I met her parents online after they read my article about honoring my son Charles who died by suicide. The article published in February of 2016 and their loss was still so raw.
I feel like I know Chaney now. In this picture, she is making a heart with her first boyfriend and they snapped a picture of it. This one in honor of her upcoming death anniversary next month because I can’t … Read more...
Dear Charles- I rather you were here with me. But you are not. So I have no other choice. You suffered more than I thought you did. I wish I could have helped.
All those years of worrying about what would happen to you, and your worst enemy was inside you. How can a mother know to protect her son from himself? Suicide is just not something we ever think about, can ever imagine.
Like you said in your song to Cal, “You may have died but I’m keepin’ your memory alive.”
I explain … Read more...
I’ll be holding you in my heart until I can hold you in my arms again.
This sent to me by my friend Melissa. Someone close to her sent it when she was having a difficult time. And she sent it to me for the same reason. Every day is a tough day still since Charles’ suicide. Thank you guys for reaching out. And those other moms out there in the same club, this is for you, too.
I explain my #griefheart project here.
See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this … Read more...
Do you see it? In the sky and in the water. This was sent to me by my friend Jennifer. She saw it, snapped it, sent it!
After a sunset there is a sunrise. The ocean still comes in and goes out. Life goes on. The hard part about grief is that with each passing day, you are further from when your loved one was alive.
I explain my #griefheart project here.
See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.
Seeing all the back to school supplies including this pencil pouch brings the ache of a life event missed since Charles’ suicide. I won’t ever see him go to college like his friends or graduate.
I am happy his friends are going back and will soon graduate. But I also ache.
I explain my #griefheart project here.
See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.
I remember when Charles picked this shirt out. It remember him in it. Charles always felt he had an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. I see a lot of angel/devil/demon references in his music.
Drugs were definitely a demon and made him feel as such. He hated himself for what they made him do. But I’m going to focus on one of his angel references that he wrote for Tiffani when he was at the Family School in NY.
“She’s my angel, so its only appropriate that she stay on my mind like … Read more...
You can find one in the sky,
You can form one out of rocks,
You mold one out of play dough,
You can shape one out of socks.
You can make one out of buttons,
You can stamp one in the snow,
You can fill today with
hearts everywhere you go!
Thank you for sharing your heart–Mary-ellen
(Mary-ellen is on my school program committee.)
I explain my #griefheart project here.
See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.
… Read more...
Charles loved games and he loved to play poker, too. He liked to play it with real money. Not big dollars but quarters and singles probably because that’s what he had.
He was a risk taker and a good strategist. For a kid with ADHD, he could play a game nonstop.
I explain my #griefheart project here.
See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.
I love this poem and I love how the angel is right next to the heart.
Don’t ever think you can’t talk about your child or honor his struggle because he died from overdose or by suicide. Addiction is an illness. Depression is an illness.
I explain my #griefheart project here.
See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.
This is the brown bag that contains the clothing Charles was wearing when he died by suicide. What do you do with something like this? I still don’t know.
So I just leave them in a bag in a box in the closet. I do take the bag out and hug it every once in a while. I also hug his backpack on tough days. His scent is no longer there which is heartbreaking. I wish there had been a way to capture his scent.
I explain my #griefheart project here.
See all #griefhearts… Read more...
I wonder about the other side. Where Charles’ soul is now. I know he is at peace and no longer struggling. I am, of course and I wish he had told me how much he hurt.
My friend MaryJo sent this one. My dear friends supporting me and this project. Adding their hearts to mine.
I explain my #griefheart project here.
See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.
This whole grief process is one rocky road. Highs. Lows. Lots more lows.
It’s not a perfect process. At the beginning, I looked at the stages of grief all neatly laid out. But it’s more like a tangled mess of emotions that go back and forth, up and down, sideways and upside down–particularly with a suicide loss.
This cute little irregular, lopsided heart is from my friend Alison. I have all you guys seeing #griefhearts everywhere.
I explain my #griefheart project here.
See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by … Read more...