Dear Charles- I rather you were here with me. But you are not. So I have no other choice. You suffered more than I thought you did. I wish I could have helped.
All those years of worrying about what would happen to you, and your worst enemy was inside you. How can a mother know to protect her son from himself? Suicide is just not something we ever think about, can ever imagine.
Like you said in your song to Cal, “You may have died but I’m keepin’ your memory alive.”
I bet I am not the first mom to write their child in heaven. But this is my first letter to you since you died. I hope you get it because I am not sure how to have something sent to heaven.
It’s been about 8 months since you left us and I miss you. All the time. Every day. And I always will. There are days I wake up and the realization that you are gone just hits me like a freight train in my heart.
Last night I had an unusual experience. I woke up from a series of short scary dreams. Not necessarily nightmares but the sort of stories Charles used to tell to spook me. When I woke up, I was verbally talking, telling Charles to quit pranking me because the dreams were messing up my sleep.
I was lying on my left side. Then I get this odd but pleasant tingly feeling all over and feel gentle pressure everywhere on my body like I’m being wrapped up in something warm and cozy.Truthfully it was the most surreal experience I have ever had.