Category: Grief

The edge of grieving season

I feel it rolling in. It’s so subtle at first– a little extra heaviness and the tears are just a bit closer to the surface.

When the harsh daily news hits my ears, mass shootings, terrorist uprisings, more suicides and overdose deaths, they all resonate more. How much more grief can our culture endure? I wasn’t even paying attention to the date or the fact that the upcoming month, April, is a so close. But I looked up and there it is just days away. It’s Charles’ birthday month and he would have been 24. What would he look like? … Read more...

Bonding with others who’ve lost is therapy

Anne Moss Rogers; Jill Cichowicz; Omar Abubaker, DMD, PhD
Anne Moss Rogers; Jill Cichowicz; Omar Abubaker, DMD, PhD

So recently my friend, Jill Cichowicz, whose twin brother died from Substance Use Disorder, arranged a meeting with me and Omar Abubaker, DMD, PhD who lost his son to addiction as well. We talked about pushing forward our agenda on substance abuse education and how, we, as people who have lost someone precious to this drug epidemic can make a difference and educate people on this disease–starting with presenting it as a disease.

Dr. Abubaker is a seasoned speaker. As head of the VCU Department of Oral and Maxillofacial Surgery, … Read more...

‘I Don’t Understand.’My Journey Through Suicide Loss

by Chrissy Lowery

Jake Lowery
Jake Lowery, 07/16/1999- 06/15/2016

“Another one…?” I couldn’t help but hear it repeat in my head. “Really, another one?”

My body shook with chills and my stomach knotted itself, just as it does now remembering the story. I wondered if hearing these stories will always affect me this way, and if they would always jolt me back to that instant gut-wrenching fear that I felt on June 15, 2016.

I’m an RA for a freshman residence hall at Christopher Newport University in Virginia. We have weekly staff meetings in which my boss updates us on our duties … Read more...

Grief Coping Workshop w/ Karla Helbert, LPC and Anne Moss Rogers

Cover art by Mehmet Sahin Altug reprinted with permission. Mehmet owns Cool Colors Gallery, CaryTown in Richmond, VA

Save the date. We are hosting a coping workshop at Ellwood Thompson on Wed, 04/10/2019 6:30 pm-8:30 pm. This is in Richmond, VA. Both Karla and I have lost a child but this is for anyone who has suffered grief and loss. We will highlight and provide guidance on some specific strategies. We hope to have a sponsor so we can have some food and there will be a nominal charge to cover expenses.

I want to video this so those of you … Read more...

Is a grief retreat right for you?

by Karla Helbert

My opinion on this is always YES!

My opinion on this is always YES! We live in an extremely busy, fast-paced, hustle-driven, hurry-up world that is also extremely death denying and grief aversive. Grief is a process that requires—demands—attention, nurturing, space, and heavy doses of ritual.

We know from current research that those who have the best outcomes—meaning those who are able to best carry and integrate their grief and have more functional, productive, healthy lives, are those who have good self-care and good support. We also know that help-seeking people tend to do better than those … Read more...

I never thought this would ache this much so many months later

by Dr. Laura Elizabeth

Dr. Laura Elizabeth
Dr. Laura Elizabeth

“Can you pull your panties down a little more for me?” the sonographer says.

My brow furrows just a slight bit. My heart starts to flutter ever-so-minutely as the only background noise is some indiscernible humming. The machine, my own nerves–could have been anything.

More measurements. More calculations. I stare up at the clock to see if any time has passed. I look back at her and this time her eyes are watering. This can’t be good. Soft marker for Down Syndrome, maybe? I am 36, after all. I get that my risk … Read more...

So how did the vocal cord surgery go?

Since 1999, this brain tumor, although benign, has taken a lot from me–hearing and feeling on one side, reduction in fluids like saliva, tears, on the left side. And so on. In 2016 and a year after Charles died, I had gamma knife radiation treatment to fry it which left me with trouble swallowing (dysphasia), upper esophageal reflux and vocal cord issues. By far the most devastating was the loss of my voice. It was barely above a whisper. For a while, the botox injections (called vocal fold injections) were working and then they weren’t.

To qualify for the more permanent … Read more...

Tell me three positive things about yourself

Many of you will balk.

Some of you may even claim there are not three good things about yourself. So for those of you who struggle the most with this kind of thing, I want you to dig the deepest. Ask someone else if you need to.

But there are three things. And today I want you to list them. It’s not bragging if I’m asking you.

So since I started this, I’ll go first. Here goes.

  1. I am persistent in reaching my goals – I don’t give up easily, I am OK with being bold and sticking my neck
… Read more...

How did I get the courage to speak out about suicide and addiction?

suicide story charles rogers
This screenshot was a day or two after it posted. I only wish I would have screen-shotted the comments as those original ones are now lost. I found such comfort in reading all those other stories

Three years ago, I wrote this newspaper article following Charles‘ death. I’ve referred to it several times before. 

Charles died by suicide June 5, 2015 and I started writing it in August of that same year. We were moving at the same time since the house sold four days before his death. 

It took six months to write 1,200 words. Earlier versions were … Read more...

I need your stories. Because this kind of message never gets old

Names have been removed to protect the identity of the sender of the above message but these are the kinds of messages I get in response to both my story and yours. That’s why I need and want your emotionally naked stories. That’s why they are important.

Stories about managing a life with a loved one who suffers from substance abuse, how you cope after a loved one’s suicide or suicide attempt, how you manage thoughts of suicide or a mental illness, a memorial about your loved one that suffered from mental illness/addiction, your grief after loss of a loved one … Read more...

Happy Birthday to my three-year-old blog!

my log has reached a half million
Google Analytics from Feb 4, 2016- Jan 30, 2019. This blog has had a half million visits. Number of pages viewed? 690,135

It’s 2016 and I’m just starting off on my morning run. Good God it’s cold. It’s one of those days when my eyelashes freeze. I’m covered up completely and the only thing you can see is my eyes.

I don’t run or walk listening to music or podcasts– just me and my thoughts. And I get an idea which is what happens when I leave my brain some room to think and create. If I constantly have noise … Read more...

I got new built-ins. Why does this matter?

I was having my headshots taken with photographer, Tosha Tolliver, late last year who also lost a child, and we started talking about momma grief. Her teenage daughter died unexpectedly from a medical complication at just around the same time Charles died by suicide in the summer of 2015.

Later on she started talking about wanting to have her floors refinished. I had talked about planning these closets for a custom build.

Both of us then realized that for the first time in years, we actually cared about decorating and making changes to our homes. Prior to that, it could … Read more...

Videos for the breathing exercises

Karla Helbert wrote Breathing strategies to quiet anxiety or manage grief and then a few days later sent four videos to clarify how the breathing is done which is posted on the page with the written instructions.

I just wanted you guys to know they were posted.

Free eBook. Coping Strategies for Grief & Loss

(opens in a new window/tab)

Breathing strategies to quiet anxiety or manage grief
… Read more...

Where was God when my child died?

by Tamara Harvey Braswell and Lloyd Braswell

Where was God when my child died?

Where was God when my 19-year-old son Logan died from severe bleeding and broken bones hours after he slammed his truck into a tree?   I think God went on vacation that summer morning and left no miracles behind, at least not for Logan and me.   Against my will, my soul was deposited on the grief trail, a journey no parent should ever have to experience…but many of us do. 

Even the most perfect of parents and best of kids draw the short stick in life and bad things happen.  I used to have … Read more...

Breathing strategies to quiet anxiety or manage grief

By Karla Helbert

Breathing strategies to quiet anxiety or manage grief
breathing exercises

We breathe all the time, right?  So, what’s the big deal?

Most of us are not breathing properly for optimum health and well-being.  We have poor posture, we sit for long periods of time, stare at screens, and move very little.  Many grieving, anxious, or traumatized people have the sensation of being unable to breathe fully. Sometimes you might unconsciously hold your breath until you find yourself gasping for air, not even realizing you weren’t breathing.

If we have been hurt, are grieving or have experienced trauma, we may feel like we want to be … Read more...