I feel it rolling in. It’s so subtle at first– a little extra heaviness and the tears are just a bit closer to the surface.
When the harsh daily news hits my ears, mass shootings, terrorist uprisings, more suicides and overdose deaths, they all resonate more. How much more grief can our culture endure? I wasn’t even paying attention to the date or the fact that the upcoming month, April, is a so close. But I looked up and there it is just days away. It’s Charles’ birthday month and he would have been 24. What would he look like?
Instead of running away, I am not afraid of the grief any more. The dull ache doesn’t scare me and it has motivated me to get all the last minute details to my publisher and editor so this book comes out in October. People will get answers and I hope they will be inspired and feel the love and hope poured into those pages.
My son’s words will soothe some, shock others and explain the why behind suicide and addiction. I think the story will deliver different things to different people and I want people to take away what they need.
The book I started writing in my head the day after Charles killed himself, the book that was completely different from the recovery story I had dreamed I would write five years ago, is done. Thank you for believing in me.
Despite our family’s tragedy I really do have hope. And I wouldn’t dare leave my reader’s without it.
Happy birthday to Charles. Your book will give hope and inspiration to many. You are a blessing to all. Congrats and best of luck.
Thank you carol
Thank you for giving hope. Still in the raw 2nd month of new grief. Dreading my Jill’s birthday in July. That sounds bad, but I know you understand.
I do. And I’ve been at the place where I dreaded.
Still sort of like that for the holiday season because it’s so long and then there’s dark winter tucked behind it so it’s a long stretch.
Yes, that I anticipate that will be hard as well. It’ll be another “first” as well as her death date being January 7. I barely notice it’s spring now. Trying to be mindful that it will be “better” someday. I don’t know how, but you and others say so. And I keep praying and holding on.
The first two years are brutal. There is growth and wisdom as a result of all the suffering and that is important to your healing. Of course it will always hurt and you will always remember and love your daughter
I’m so glad you have hope because you sure have given it to others.
Thank you for saying that, Leigh. And you have done the same for me. I have gotten back just as much as I have given out.
I know that feeling well. Grieving season for me is from early October until New Years. Things are just harder.
Happy Birthday to sweet Charles and congratulations on your book.
Love ya.
Thank you Gray.