I feel it rolling in. It’s so subtle at first– a little extra heaviness and the tears are just a bit closer to the surface.
When the harsh daily news hits my ears, mass shootings, terrorist uprisings, more suicides and overdose deaths, they all resonate more. How much more grief can our culture endure? I wasn’t even paying attention to the date or the fact that the upcoming month, April, is a so close. But I looked up and there it is just days away. It’s Charles’ birthday month and he would have been 24. What would he look like?
Instead of running away, I am not afraid of the grief any more. The dull ache doesn’t scare me and it has motivated me to get all the last minute details to my publisher and editor so this book comes out in October. People will get answers and I hope they will be inspired and feel the love and hope poured into those pages.
My son’s words will soothe some, shock others and explain the why behind suicide and addiction. I think the story will deliver different things to different people and I want people to take away what they need.
The book I started writing in my head the day after Charles killed himself, the book that was completely different from the recovery story I had dreamed I would write five years ago, is done. Thank you for believing in me.
Despite our family’s tragedy I really do have hope. And I wouldn’t dare leave my reader’s without it.