I was having my headshots taken with photographer, Tosha Tolliver, late last year who also lost a child, and we started talking about momma grief. Her teenage daughter died unexpectedly from a medical complication at just around the same time Charles died by suicide in the summer of 2015.
Later on she started talking about wanting to have her floors refinished. I had talked about planning these closets for a custom build.
Both of us then realized that for the first time in years, we actually cared about decorating and making changes to our homes. Prior to that, it could have fallen apart under our feet and we would have just stepped over it.
Two years ago, I didn’t care about much of anything and did only what was essential–paying bills, taking a shower, eating food, walking the dog, existing. I was house blind. Marks on the wall, sappy deck boards, and a bedroom that looked like we both just recently graduated from college didn’t bother me. None of it mattered and I didn’t have the energy to tackle complex home projects with multiple steps. I cared about none of that and thought I never would again.
That started to change shortly after my third year without Charles. Slowly, something inside started to come alive again. What’s more, I didn’t feel guilty about it.
If you’re suffering now with your own mental health, a loss or struggling with the addiction/mental illness of a loved one, everything other than the problem at hand might seem fluffy and frivolous. What I want you to know is that you will “thaw out” and once again enjoy things you enjoyed before, whether it’s woodworking or throwing parties.
In my case, our bedroom is finally shaping up to look like two grownups live in it. And that feels pretty good.