The edge of grieving season

I feel it rolling in. It’s so subtle at first– a little extra heaviness and the tears are just a bit closer to the surface.

When the harsh daily news hits my ears, mass shootings, terrorist uprisings, more suicides and overdose deaths, they all resonate more. How much more grief can our culture endure? I wasn’t even paying attention to the date or the fact that the upcoming month, April, is a so close. But I looked up and there it is just days away. It’s Charles’ birthday month and he would have been 24. What would he look like? … Read more... “The edge of grieving season”

Unmotivated and sluggish

The end of grieving season ends with Charles’ death anniversary on June 5.

In the mean time, I’m simply sluggish, tired, and unmotivated lately.  I wondered if I was getting sick then I realized, “Oh, it’s the grief.” That undercurrent of heaviness, the desire to just sit with his pictures. Everything takes more effort.

I have learned to live with it. The grief. It took a long time to learn that it was not just going to go away. I have come to expect it. And sometimes even appreciate it. How it forces me to slow down and take time … Read more... “Unmotivated and sluggish”

And my grieving season begins

This is Charles’ birthday month. My baby would have been 23 on the twenty sixth of this month. Then there’s mother’s day in May, the death anniversary June 5. This is my grieving season.

Already, I have the grief rash peaking from under my eyebrow. I’m short tempered and weepier. My heart aches and I’m staring off into space in a trance more often than usual.

Many of his friends have graduated from college, some of them are already applying to graduate school. I still have them stuck at 20 sometimes–shocked when I realize they had the audacity to grow … Read more... “And my grieving season begins”

Grieving Season

grief

So I’m headed into my grieving season.

Last year I was prepared for the death anniversary. But not for Charles’ birthday April 26, Mother’s day in May, Father’s Day in June, then the death anniversary June 5 and then my own birthday June 18.

The stretch was pretty brutal last year. I’m not going to underestimate it this year. I didn’t think of all those special days and what to do for those.

The trick is to make plans. Do something to celebrate life. His life. And mine. I’m not trying to avoid grief simply trying to prepare for it. … Read more... “Grieving Season”