Unmotivated and sluggish

The end of grieving season ends with Charles’ death anniversary on June 5.

In the mean time, I’m simply sluggish, tired, and unmotivated lately.  I wondered if I was getting sick then I realized, “Oh, it’s the grief.” That undercurrent of heaviness, the desire to just sit with his pictures. Everything takes more effort.

I have learned to live with it. The grief. It took a long time to learn that it was not just going to go away. I have come to expect it. And sometimes even appreciate it. How it forces me to slow down and take time to remember Charles–all the stuff I loved the most about him.

I now take advantage of this time to curl up with memories. I’ve learned to be less demanding on myself and tell people why I’m not myself.

It’s a lifelong journey and it evolves. I have evolved with it.

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my youngest son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

4 thoughts on “Unmotivated and sluggish”

  1. You’re in my thoughts today–being the rememberers is quite an arduous task–one I do with great passion. The last two months of my son, Ray’s, life were extremely difficult and my 11-year diary is reminding me of that on a daily basis. I’m working hard toward July 28 (also three years ago). Blessings to you and your family!

    1. I can look back at these posts, my online public diary, and see progress (if you can call it that). Becky, if you ever want to write a story about your son, let me know. I am taking the time to look through pictures and remember my boy. Cuddling with the memories.

  2. Dear Anne, I’m thinking of you. Charles was so lucky to have you as his mom! I’m sure he know what you’re up to, and I know he is so proud.

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