Unmotivated and sluggish

The end of grieving season ends with Charles’ death anniversary on June 5.

In the mean time, I’m simply sluggish, tired, and unmotivated lately.  I wondered if I was getting sick then I realized, “Oh, it’s the grief.” That undercurrent of heaviness, the desire to just sit with his pictures. Everything takes more effort.

I have learned to live with it. The grief. It took a long time to learn that it was not just going to go away. I have come to expect it. And sometimes even appreciate it. How it forces me to slow down and take time to remember Charles–all the stuff I loved the most about him.

I now take advantage of this time to curl up with memories. I’ve learned to be less demanding on myself and tell people why I’m not myself.

It’s a lifelong journey and it evolves. I have evolved with it.

How grief matures

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am the mother of two boys and the owner of emotionally naked, a site that reached a quarter million people in its first 18 months. I am a writer and professional public speaker on the topics of suicide, addiction, mental illness, and grief and currently working on getting a book published. I lost my youngest son, Charles, 20, to suicide June 5, 2015. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory.

4 thoughts on “Unmotivated and sluggish”

  1. You’re in my thoughts today–being the rememberers is quite an arduous task–one I do with great passion. The last two months of my son, Ray’s, life were extremely difficult and my 11-year diary is reminding me of that on a daily basis. I’m working hard toward July 28 (also three years ago). Blessings to you and your family!

    1. I can look back at these posts, my online public diary, and see progress (if you can call it that). Becky, if you ever want to write a story about your son, let me know. I am taking the time to look through pictures and remember my boy. Cuddling with the memories.

  2. Dear Anne, I’m thinking of you. Charles was so lucky to have you as his mom! I’m sure he know what you’re up to, and I know he is so proud.

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