Tag: grief

Sunny side up heart – #griefheart 122

sharing-a-heart

You can find one in the sky,
You can form one out of rocks,
You mold one out of play dough,
You can shape one out of socks.
You can make one out of buttons,
You can stamp one in the snow,
You can fill today with
hearts everywhere you go!

Thank you for sharing your heart–Mary-ellen

(Mary-ellen is on my school program committee.)

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

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Grateful Heart

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Forever in our heart – #griefheart number 120

I love this poem and I love how the angel is right next to the heart.

Don’t ever think you can’t talk about your child or honor his struggle because he died from overdose or by suicide. Addiction is an illness. Depression is an illness.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

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Before and After

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Sad sack heart – #griefheart number 119

bag-heart

This is the brown bag that contains the clothing Charles was wearing when he died by suicide. What do you do with something like this? I still don’t know.

So I just leave them in a bag in a box in the closet. I do take the bag out and hug it every once in a while. I also hug his backpack on tough days. His scent is no longer there which is heartbreaking. I wish there had been a way to capture his scent.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts… Read more...

Wagging heart – #griefheart number 113

love-of-dogs
Wagging heart

My friend Bonnie’s daughter got a new pooch. She realized after this picture was taken that she had captured a heart on the dog’s rump. And she sent it to me to be part of the #griefheart project. My late son Charles loved, loved dogs. They loved him.

I asked her the new dog’s name. It’s Charlie. Now that’s ironic.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

… Read more...

Serenity prayer heart – #griefheart number 111

My friend Laurie sent me this as a “thinking about you” #griefheart. She and I are part of that club no one wants to be in. She and her husband Scott lost their son Dawson to an overdose in 2014 and I am dedicating this one to his memory.

For 4 1/2 years, we went to Families Anonymous and after every meeting, the group says this prayer.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Keep coming back. It works … Read more...

Puppy love – #griefheart number 110

Charles loved his dog. He wanted one forever. He begged in middle school and I felt so guilty for saying no. I knew a dog would require my time no matter what my kids said about “doing everything.”

On his 15th birthday, we finally got Charles a dog. The world rejoiced! We got Andy from my friend Diane’s daughter who had to move to a new apartment that didn’t allow dogs. It was love at first sight.

Andy is still with us. I never thought the dog would outlive our son.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart … Read more...

Love you oodles, piles and truckloads – #griefheart number 99

Love you oodles, piles and truckloads
Love you oodles, piles and truckloads

I used to say this to Charles all the time. He just loved it. And when he’d get upset at a young age, he’d pat me on the back and I’d tell him, “I love you oodles, piles and truckloads.”

Even at an early age, Charles just felt deeper than others. He was a dreamer and nothing is more important to a dreamer than their relationships. I think when he killed himself, he just couldn’t stand the thought that he had “let everyone down.”

The depression and anxiety were bad  but the heroin absolutely … Read more...

So much grief – #griefheart number 95

From the Orlando night club shooting to the siege and beheadings of foreigners in Bangladesh to sniper shootings in Dallas and the terror attack in France, we have seen many brutal and shocking tragedies in the last 33 days. So much senseless loss. And for what?

While we don’t know how to fight this new war, its angry unseen enemies with no rules or regard for human life, we can support families around the world who are grieving the loss of loved ones.

I hate that my project is so relevant to what’s happening in the world right now. My … Read more...

Frozen heart – #griefheart number 94

Today was one of those days where my heart just felt frozen in place–sort of like I was just existing, treading water, going nowhere. It’s one of those days where I question everything I’m doing and just wonder if any of what I want to happen will come to be. I just felt stuck.

It’s that draggy grief feeling that I have come to recognize as disbelief that I am without the son I thought would be here till I die. It’s another face of grief. Tomorrow is another day.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project… Read more...

Sticks and stones heart – #griefheart number 81

You know the old saying about sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you. Mean words hurt as much as sticks and stones.

So many suicides by young people are attributed to hatefulness by others. People don’t typically kill themselves for one reason alone, but it is sad that so many end their lives from accumulative pressure of not feeling like they measure up.

I wrote this and a friend of mine whose daughter died by suicide posted this just yesterday.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all … Read more...

Weeping Heart – #griefheart 76

Weeping heart
Weeping heart

The car is second only to the shower when it comes to best places to cry. Sometimes it’s a memory that triggers the tears. Sometimes it’s a song on the radio that reminds me of Charles. I am not afraid of them nor am I ashamed of them.

Letting them out brings relief and reminds me how much I loved my boy.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

It’s messages like these that keep me going
… Read more...

Burned Heart – #griefheart 75

Sometimes it does feel like a hole has been burned in my heart. While that hole will never be completely filled, I believe it can heal. Giving back and being part of something bigger than yourself is part of that process.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

… Read more...

Bizarre heart – #griefheart 73

Bizarre Heart
Bizarre Heart

Charles loved the bizarre. The odder it was, the better. From the jokes he told to the raps he wrote, he saw the world from a unique viewpoint. Which is what made him so special.

I have to wonder about the artist that created this. Nobody normal cooks up an iron pig with a heart, right? Just the sort of crazy, creative $#(+ Charles would invent if he happened to be into sculpture.  His suicide ended what would have been a most interesting journey. I miss that so much–his alternative view of the world.

My friend Melanie sent this to … Read more...

Holding onto hope heart – #griefheart 72

Holding onto hope heart
Holding onto hope heart

Even though I’ve suffered the most devastating loss of my life, I can never lose hope. And for those who suffer suicidal thoughts, or have a loved one who does, please don’t let that last shred of hope ever escape.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

Forgiving myself
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Stop the pain in my heart – #griefheart 71

Stop the pain in my heart
Stop the pain in my heart

There are times I feel boxed in a room with no exit– the hurt and ache surrounding me so completely I can’t breathe. I don’t even want to move. How long does this last? When will it stop? Make it stop!

Even now, I have that same feeling of wanting to escape, of feeling smothered and screaming, “Let me out damn it!” The waves are not as long and not as often as they were a year ago. But it still hurts so much sometimes. You never imagined your child would die by suicide.

Punching pillows, screaming, yelling at the air … Read more...