Category: Suicide

Day #10 of the 12 Days of Coping with Christmas

by Karla Helbert

The tenth coping strategy is “Create Rituals”

Rituals large and small can help us manage the chaos of grief. Rituals of remembrance help to bring order, aid in transition and help us to understand complex feelings.

Through observing our own senses, acknowledging how we are feeling, and purposefully using the tools of ritual to safely come into the present moment with our grief, with our love, and with whatever else the moment holds, we can find ways of moving through each moment and into the next. In grief, this can be an essential practice.

In our culture

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TEDx Saturday, December 8

I’m excited.

And nervous. (That’s where the coping strategies are helpful.)

There is not one single perk in this TEDx process I have missed or going to miss. I love the workshops, getting to know the other speakers, one-on-one coaching, and receiving feedback.

Then still to come, the makeup artist, there’s actual event, walk the block, and the after party. I’m not missing any of it and am focused on enjoying the experience.

So here are the links to Saturday’s event.

Live Streaming from this site address

TEDxGraceStreetWomen Speakers

TEDx Viewing Parties 

Subscribe to this blog

Something odd in the contents
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Day #6. Boosting your self esteem

12 days of coping strategies

The sixth coping strategy is “make your alter ego your ally.”

Ever since I was fifteen years old, I’ve used a strategy to help me get out of the cycle of beating myself up. I didn’t realize I had been using this method for decades until after Charles died when I started writing “alter ego” posts here. It’s what I do to get myself out of the habit of self criticism.

When I was a young teen, I would join in those teen conversations about hating this body part or that. “My thighs were too fat.” “I am too tall.” I … Read more...

Day #4 of the 12 Days of Coping with Christmas

The fourth coping strategy is “Find a support system”

Human beings aren’t meant to do everything in isolation. Grief, watching a child self destruct from mental illness/addiction makes us feel helpless. Why go it alone where there are so many others suffering? There is no badge of honor by toughing it out by yourself.  Support is a step you take to help you heal. And your presence helps others, too.

What does that mean?

Support systems come in a lot of packages, an apropos description given the time of year. Your friends and family have empathy for you but you … Read more...

Day #2 of the 12 Days of Coping with Christmas

The second coping strategy is “Write”

After Charles died, others didn’t seem to want to talk about him. Or let me talk about him. I kept wondering, “Why can’t I talk about my son?”

So two  months after he died, I started writing an article for the newspaper about his death. We had just moved out of the house where he had grown up because it had sold four days before he stunned us by killing himself.

He died June 2015. I started writing August 2015. The first version was sloppy and pointless but I kept writing it, revising it, … Read more...

Day #1 of the 12 Days of Coping with Christmas

The first one is “Get some exercise.”

While I was editing that video, I felt like blowing something up. Actually, I just wanted to blow up iMovie. Other times of the year, I have a little more patience.

Karla Helbert, a grief expert, will be co-authoring many of these posts.

This is for anyone who is coping with adversity– loss of a child or other loved one to suicide or overdose, someone else’s substance use disorder,  your own mental illness, SUD, or thoughts of suicide.

So onto coping strategies

Some of you don’t want to get out of bed, … Read more...

NPR Student Podcast Challenge

NPR has issued a Student Podcast Challenge and I thought it be great if at least one of the student podcast entries was about mental illness, suicide or drug addiction/abuse. When students speak up on a topic, it gets noticed.

The Contest is a podcast submission contest includes 5th – 12th grade teachers who can submit an audio file created by their student(s) for an opportunity to (a) have NPR and/or station reporters come to their school to meet and interview them and their student(s) and (b) have the winning podcast discussed in a news segment that will appear on … Read more...

Jesus can’t fix this

This will offend some people, but I have come to hate the phrase, “My prayers were answered.”

When my son’s drug abuse turned to addiction and he died by suicide, my prayers were not answered.  Does that mean my prayers were not good enough? Was I not worthy? Did I not go to church enough to be on the prayer radar?

It’s not any of that.  It’s simply that Jesus, Buddha, God, Goddesses, saints, sons of God, or any deity can’t fix my tragedy. And what happened was not the result of a life poorly lead or my failure in parenting … Read more...

And you worry about that?

How many times since Charles’ death, have I thought that?

Back in September, I went through security at LaGuardia in New York, and as I walked through the scanner, the TSA employee said I’d need to be searched. The little visual indicated that the search would be in a delicate area. Shocked, I said, “You have to search my crotch area?”

The TSA employee got fired up and yelled that I was being disrespectful by using the phrase “crotch area.” She went on to lecture that she had a job to do and I needed to watch what I said. … Read more...

Are you ready to be emotionally naked in public?

People search in google when they want information. Sometimes they type in, “my son died from overdose,” or “kill myself after my daughter’s suicide,” “my girlfriend killed herself,” “I relapsed and no one loves me,” “bipolar suicide attempt,” “my father killed himself,” “2 years clean” and so on.

Every day this happens. They search on Google, Facebook, Linkedin, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, Yahoo, Bing, and even smaller search engines. All are in search of connection that you provide with your emotionally naked stories and wisdom.

People will sometimes search by your child’s name if they know that child has died. And … Read more...

Thanksgiving memories

Charles, who died by suicide; me; Richard, my oldest

This photo is from Thanksgiving in 2013. I have fond memories of this family get together.

This year, one is in LA for Thanksgiving and the other in heaven. Every holiday, is a harsh reminder of who’s missing.

Thinking of all of you today.

Why did he kill himself? Answering the why
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Viewing parties TEDxGraceStreetWomen Dec 8, 2018

Didn’t get a ticket to TEDxGraceStreetWomen? Here are several viewing parties around Richmond, Virginia.

TEDx Viewing Parties

On December 8, 2018, you can see the event live streaming at TEDxGraceStreetWomen.com.

How to host a viewing party!

TEDxGraceStreetWomen sold out very quickly!  We have had several inquiries about our Viewing Parties. The TEDxGraceStreetWomen welcome any viewing party near or far.  We want as many people as possible to be able to watch these inspiring talks!

Details of the event:

  •  Saturday, December 8th
  •  The LiveStream begins at 9:00 AM sharp right here: https://tedxgracestreetwomen.com/
  •  A short break at 10:30
  • Event ends at
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Why did I ignore the one thing that was working for me?

When Charles admitted he had an addiction to an opiate, my attendance at support group had lapsed.

Because the house was going on the market in the spring, every minute was needed to get the house in shape to sell.  Chaos had moved back into our lives and my instincts were telling me we’d need the money from the home sale to help Charles although we didn’t yet know about the addiction.  So far, we’d spent over $250k on wilderness, therapeutic boarding school and regular boarding school.

Once he said, “Mom, I think I need help, I’m addicted to opiates,” … Read more...

Not one mention

I attended a funeral today.  The director leading the service mentioned the man’s  biological daughter and his step children. There was no mention of his son who died fifteen years ago, although he was in the obituary. That grief takes a of space in a parent’s life and can’t simply be carved out of a life because it doesn’t make a good end-of-life story.

How does one accidentally forget to mention the son of the deceased? Standing there confused, the gravity of the omission wormed its way into my conscious.  This wasn’t an oversight but a purposeful omission.

Had his … Read more...

Supporting a Loved One’s Recovery During the Holidays

by Tom Bannard, CADC, MBA

As Thanksgiving approaches, we in the recovery community have so much to be grateful for, but this season can also be challenging for many in recovery and their families. Twelve years ago, my family choose to cancel their holiday celebrations to visit me in a rehab facility. I am so grateful they chose to fight my disease with love and support.

Many of our Rams in Recovery and others in the Recovery Community will be celebrating their first or second holiday season as people in recovery which presents unique challenges and opportunities.

For some, connecting … Read more...