Christmas heart—#griefheart number 291

Wreath heart

Crushed ornaments and greenery from a fallen tree make a perfect #griefheart. The holidays are hard and for the first time since Charles’ suicide in 2015, we have a small Christmas tree. And some lights because I like lights, especially in the dark.

The tree has all the ornaments the kids made and we filled in with the ones they chose over the years. We had a Christmas tradition that every year, we’d go to CaryTown in Richmond and they’d get to pick an ornament which always turned out to be more than one and close to a one hundred dollar trip. One year, I tried to pass off Target as our destination which was met with disdain from my oldest and Charles followed suit. Giant fish with huge lips and a carmen miranda hat, frog with orange slippers, a giant diamond ring, and a Christmas Dracula are some of the highlights.

They’d come home, hang their ornaments and leave. I would try hot cocoa and music but always, every year, they’d find their favorites, hang them and take off leaving me to finish it myself. That’s what you get with boys. Sometimes I could guilt my husband into sticking with the task. So while it’s not a memory around which Normal Rockwell would have painted a picture, it’s a funny memory and it’s our memory.

When I look at the ornaments with Charles’ picture, I remember how innocent I was. How naive. It’s a good thing I didn’t know what was to come.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

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Anne Moss Rogers

I am the mother of two boys and the owner of emotionally naked, a site that reached a quarter million people in its first 18 months. I am a writer and professional public speaker on the topics of suicide, addiction, mental illness, and grief and currently working on getting a book published. I lost my youngest son, Charles, 20, to suicide June 5, 2015. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory.

4 thoughts on “Christmas heart—#griefheart number 291”

  1. Hi Anne,

    I am a mom of 3 boys and we lost my oldest to the devastation of suicide 7 months ago. My heart is broken. Not able to put up a tree this year. Unable to look at pictures either. Feeling our way.

    ❣️Sending you love.

  2. I know you miss your innocence and treasure your memories. Thinking of you at Christmas. Your words are a gift to all of us, particularly to this fellow boy Mom.

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