How is grief like a girdle?

For those of you wondering what a girdle is, think spanx. And guys, bear with me, you’ll understand, too.

So if you were to shimmy into this slimming, smoothing undergarment, you might feel OK if it isn’t too tight although by day’s end you’d want to get your body out of shapewear jail. But what if you want just a little more skinny and shimmy and you go a size smaller? Wouldn’t that look even better?

So if you put on the smaller one, fat might pop out of the top. You might even get mad and think the product is worthless because it rolled over or created a muffin top. That’s because the garment doesn’t make lumps and bumps go away but can only try to contain it, which isn’t permanent or always successful.

And that’s like grief. It can’t be smoothed or tucked away forever. It can be supremely uncomfortable and the harder you try to suppress it, the uglier the results. Like the fat, it will pop out in unattractive ways such as anger or bitterness. What’s more, trying to contain it or control it too much slows the healing process.

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Anne Moss Rogers

I am the mother of two boys and the owner of emotionally naked, a site that reached a quarter million people in its first 18 months. I am a writer and professional public speaker on the topics of suicide, addiction, mental illness, and grief and currently working on getting a book published. I lost my youngest son, Charles, 20, to suicide June 5, 2015. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory.

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