Melancholy Moments

A song, or a familiar visual triggers a memory of Charles. Right then, there is a place in my mind I go to sink into it all by myself. No sounds or other thoughts penetrate. And I don’t want interruptions or company because this is my time with my child that is no longer here on earth.

Sometimes there is only a partial memory. The rest of it stays stubbornly masked, just out of reach. That’s when I leave a message for my brain to retrieve it. That one must have been filed away in the stacks.

Why do …

Those who clam up have the hardest time

Everyone grieves differently. Everyone struggles with adjusting to a family member with addiction/mental illness differently.  But the one constant I have noticed is that people who don’t talk about it at all tend to get stuck and fold up within themselves.

I’ve been in that place way back when our journey with mental illness and drug addiction started with Charles. It wasn’t fun.

The more you talk, the better things are. Retreating within yourself and internalizing all of that pain ends up leaking out in unattractive ways.  Bitterness.  Anger. Inconsolable sadness and isolation.

Keeping all the hurt in your heart …