Those who clam up have the hardest time

Everyone grieves differently. Everyone struggles with adjusting to a family member with addiction/mental illness differently.  But the one constant I have noticed is that people who don’t talk about it at all tend to get stuck and fold up within themselves.

I’ve been in that place way back when our journey with mental illness and drug addiction started with Charles. It wasn’t fun.

The more you talk, the better things are. Retreating within yourself and internalizing all of that pain ends up leaking out in unattractive ways.  Bitterness.  Anger. Inconsolable sadness and isolation.

Keeping all the hurt in your heart is not “being strong.” It’s just plain stubborn. Human beings are meant to connect with one another, to share pain as well as happiness.

That does not mean you have to go as public as I have. You simply need to talk to someone, some group, a professional. Take your pick. But you need an outlet for all that agony.

Packing all that hurt into your broken heart will simply leave you more broken. Watching a loved one suffer or losing one is hard. Don’t go it alone.


I am done! The refueling comment

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am the mother of two boys and the owner of emotionally naked, a site that reached a quarter million people in its first 18 months. I am a writer and professional public speaker on the topics of suicide, addiction, mental illness, and grief and currently working on getting a book published. I lost my youngest son, Charles, 20, to suicide June 5, 2015. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory.

6 thoughts on “Those who clam up have the hardest time”

  1. When we share with others who understand our shame and stigma the pain for some reason is dissipated. ..dont isolate, reach out and know we all understand where you have been and are…we can sll gelp with where we will be!

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