Grief shaming. Why is she still talking about her child who died?

When someone loses a child, they don’t erase her from the family tree

So I’m listening to the radio in the car. The lady who called into the “Complicated Grief Show” started by saying it’s been 8 years since her cousin lost her daughter and that she still goes to visit her grave. The caller went on to say that when she visits her cousin who lost her daughter, she is always looking for ways to interject a story about her deceased child into the conversation.

Then she said, “It’s been so long now and it’s making me uncomfortable.” She … Read more...

Those who clam up have the hardest time

Everyone grieves differently. Everyone struggles with adjusting to a family member with addiction/mental illness differently.  But the one constant I have noticed is that people who don’t talk about it at all tend to get stuck and fold up within themselves.

I’ve been in that place way back when our journey with mental illness and drug addiction started with Charles. It wasn’t fun.

The more you talk, the better things are. Retreating within yourself and internalizing all of that pain ends up leaking out in unattractive ways.  Bitterness.  Anger. Inconsolable sadness and isolation.

Keeping all the hurt in your heart … Read more...

Do you want your child who died to be forgotten?

bear

That’s our greatest fear. That their memory will fade away. So what do you do?

Bring it up first

You’ve buried a child so don’t bury their memory.

Nothing will keep you stuck in grief like refusing to talk about your child. Let others know you want to talk by bringing up their name, posting on Facebook or asking a friend to share your wishes with others. (Don’t worry, it will travel.)

Defining the scope of what you wish they talked about or didn’t talk about, helps. For example, one family said they wanted to talk about their child as … Read more...