AnneMoss Rogers, Mental Health Education Expert and Suicide Loss Survivor
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Some days you get a break and relief from the grief. I try and not make myself feel guilty because I know that wave and heaviness will be back so I make a point to enjoy the break.
With this heart, I framed the word effervescent. Hard to see but that’s what Charles was. His engaging personality made it hard to believe he suffered from depression.
I explain my #griefheart project here.
See all #griefhearts on pinterest or on this blog by the #griefheart category.
AnneMoss Rogers is a mental health and suicide education expert, mental health speaker, suicide prevention trainer and consultant. She is author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind and co-author of Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk with Kim O'Brien PhD, LICSW. She raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost her younger son, Charles to addiction and suicide on June 5, 2015. She is a motivational speaker who empowers by educating and provides life saving strategies and emotionally healthy coping skills. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now that's the legacy she carries forward in her son's memory. Mental Health Speakers Website. View all posts by AnneMoss Rogers
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I really love this one A.M. Reading it gave me an AHA moment. Even though my situation is different as you know. I find myself often times waiting for the shoe to drop with D. But I think my new mantra on good days after reading this is just to enjoy my sons good day. Live in the moment of his spurts of joy. Even though I’ve had to redefine what joy currently looks like to him. I’m not sure if I ever shared with you that the morning of his suicide attempt, I knew in my heart D was struggling immensely. When I dropped him at the bus stop and all day long I just had a pit in my stomach. When he called me when he got home I asked if he wanted me to leave work early that he sounded like he was in a bad place. He reassured me he was just tired. I still had a bad gut feeling. Had he not sent me what he thought would be his last text…. Well I don’t want to go there. Springing into action was my immediate response. So thank you for this grief heart I think for me it means just to enjoy his good days with him and not wallow too much in what his next bad day will look like. One day at a time one foot in front of the other. Yesterday was an amazing day for him and our family but one where I found myself worrying too much about the next bad day. I won’t punish myself like that again. Thanks to your grief heart. I am going to enjoy each good moment because at the end of the day all that matters is that he is still here. And no matter what, that is the goal. One that I know you wish you were able to give Charles. Thank you again A.M. for all your wisdom even when you don’t realize how much it helps. There have been countless posts like this that I am able to use in my situation with D. I appreciate you my friend.
I am always amazed how one or the other of these touches someone. I have learned not to be on edge all the time but it took practice and support to get there. Thank you so much for your comment.