I am so sorry you are suffering such intense emotional pain that you looked up how to kill yourself. As bad as it is, there is no rush to kill yourself right now. Give my late son Charles a few minutes of your time.
Watch the video on this page. It’s from Charles and he hurt as much as you do now. He killed himself in 2015 and I will never be the same. He was so talented. So loved.
And he thought the world would be better off without him. He was wrong. No one is better off with someone that has a heart as big as Charles had. I sometimes wonder what he would have done if he lived, if we had been able to help him. If he had only asked for help.
Please ask for help.