I am so sorry you are suffering such intense emotional pain that you looked up how to kill yourself. As bad as it is, there is no rush to kill yourself right now. Give my late son Charles a few minutes of your time.
Watch the video on this page. It’s from Charles and he hurt as much as you do now. He killed himself in 2015. He was so talented. So loved.
United States Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255
U.S. Crisis text line 741-741
United Kingdom 116 123
Suicide hotlines for other countries
If you are a teen or young adult, several have used this guide to figure out how to tell a parent or loved one you want to die. For the Teen Contemplating Suicide and Looking for the Strength to Reach Out. I hope you will use it. It takes courage to reach out for help.
- Other Resources:
- Why should I stay alive when I want to kill myself? by Anna Wieder
- Suicide Safety Plan Template
- Template of a letter to oneself to prevent suicide– Self-help coping strategy
- Book for suicidal persons that is recommended by a licensed counselor, Karla Helbert, LPC: How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person’s Guide to Suicide Prevention
Do you deceive everyone or just the people coming to this page?
This is not about me. It’s about you.
I am sorry you see it as deception. I see it as reaching out and allowing someone who doesn’t feel heard to feel heard.
Thanks for wasting time for me, probably your ineptitude is why your son killed himself
I am sorry you are so angry but I understand why you are. Because you are hurting.
I actually wasn’t looking up how to kill myself. I was trying to find out how it’s physically possible for someone to kill themselves with a shotgun. I don’t own firearms and am not suffering from depression. I don’t know how these things work. I’m trying to find out if it’s true that it cannot be done with shoes on. I’m not so sure that is the case. It sounds like many youths have access to long guns and they take their own lives using them. Very tragic. Wish I could find out what I wanted to know, though, for reasons not related to wishing to do harm on myself. I understand why you do what you do, though.
Such unusual facts you have heard. No shoes? That sounds like a myth to me but who knows? I actually have no idea. I can understand your being curious. Thank you for posting your comment. It has me thinking.
I am really really stunned and very shocked that you would allow someone to spend hours of their time writing to you about such intimate things, such as why would be searching around looking up the keywords that we were. what brought us there.. did it does your website help or not? That kind of thing. I am so incredibly hurt, I really shared all… Sooooo so unexpectedly I never thought I would bump into a site like this looking up how to kill myself with a shotgun properly.
If you don’t want people to write long stories, may I suggest that you just ask
them not to. Rather than letting them get on with it, just to ghost it after all the time it took to get out, Vulnerable people can and do get hurt easily. And that hurt, More than I could’ve ever expected! Why on earth I would.. of all things.. I open myself up now, finally just to be shunned by a help site, yeah
That’s definitely something I would do.
I can totally understand and appreciate your point of view especially in light of your intense physical and emotional pain. It is obviously unbearable. As I mentioned on your last comments they are held in moderation for me to approve. Because sometimes people write really ugly things to another person who has posted. I am ok if someone comes after me. I am not ok if they reply or throw darts at others who are vulnerable.
It’s my story.. it actually took me ages to write that, I put my whole heart into it… Some thing I never expected to do while searching the Internet for this information today. I put my heart into it, I guess it was too long or something. Just never showed up, after your website gave me a second… Just a second to pause and then write, sharing all! Even giving details into the most personal terrible illnesses I have been suffering and dying from. And just like that, poof… It’s all gone, I sat here for two hours for nothing. If that’s not a sign I don’t know what it is.
Something about that seems very very correct and in tune without the events of my life and how they have always played out. You reach out just as someone’s taking their hand away. That’s me, Except I am the klutz that will fall on the ground I front of all . because I reached too hard.
Jess. I hear you. Comments are held in moderation and it’s only me so sometimes it takes an hour or a few to approve especially if I am sleeping or on a plane. Thank you for commenting and helping us understand all the nuances of this subject. Of which there are many gray areas. And you pointed out one.
This is exhausting! I just want facts on what I looked up. It’s not so terribly Wrong you know? People who are very serious about their act, don’t want to injure themselves even further… I don’t want to be disfigured or in any more pain than I already am in at this very moment, if I do this wrong and just further injure myself and my family.
I am Jess, I am and have been dying from actually several extremely painful diseases, syndromes etc. I am experiencing organ failure, one of which is my pancreas… Do you have any idea how much pain I am actually talking about? It’s far worse than childbirth ever thought Of being.
What is so wrong with people who want to look up how to do it correctly… So they don’t wind up being in more and more pain?
I am TRULY sorry for your loss, however you need to understand that people who are going to this level, looking up these very specific words… Aren’t looking for a hand up nor hand out.. maybe one out of a thousand might be however the majority, like me, They’re looking for details that will assist them, from making a mistake that will cause them and everyone in their lives more embarrassing and physically unendurable pain, more endless caretaking, and endless unrelenting incurable agony.
It’s my belief that people who are dying, or are in physical pain without an end in any stretch of the imagination, real raw “every cell in your body screeching in agony, kind of real, really, far too real..agonizing endless physical pain. That kind…. That no matter how much you believe in your Lord and Savior, and have served them faithfully for 40 years and are and realistically, Inherently trying, so very hard, to be truly good, and no matter how much you spend your life trying to live the gospel. Peoples suffering from incurable, specific and horrific diseases/ailments Truly can’t create a way or pray their way out of level 10 tearing,? jerking and screaming pain. I’ve tried for over 30 years and am now facing dementia in my early 40’s, people suffering so much, well, We should have a choice.
I cannot believe that I am going to hell. Because I have lived in hell for over 20 years, and I know my Lord loves me.
Do I wanna live another 20 or 40 years? Of course not. I’ve lived a good long life, filled peoples lives with joy, kindness generosity and love. No one would argue against that. I have also Stretched a fake smile across my face for days on end when all I want to do is scream in agony, cry my eyes out, and all that effort, just to please and satisfy my son and husband. My son is now graduating high school with honors and a full College scholarship. He also does not need me anymore. He’s exhausted by the fact that I am constantly sick, (really great kid, just gets tiresome! you know. ) I’ve never let him see how much pain I am really in. My husband however has seen And we have tried everything in humanity to Find relief. In any form or shape. Doctors don’t prescribe pain meds anymore, because they’re afraid people will take to many and die. The government has created so many laws and restrictions now, people like myself who are dying, due to stomach and bleeding problems cannot take over-the-counter nonsteroidal anti-inflammatories, well… We cannot find any relief. Please believe I have spent the greater part of 20 years trying everything, I wanted to be the best mother possible for my son! We tried everything! If I was able to bring my pain level down just by gosh, maybe 5 percent, I would not be looking up how to kill myself with my shotgun correctly.
That, that simple medication or pain relief is not an option in todays world.
Can I ask you honestly? Anyone… What is the greater sin?
Leaving someone who is slowly dying and experiencing the worst and most painful Organ failure Possible, someone who literally had never abused medication or even tried a “street” drug in their entire lives.
Is it sin That I am going to take my life, and finally find relief, a peace from all of this pain? Save my husband and son from endless caretaking and Watching helplessly as I fade away…?
is the sin in wanting a better ending for myself and my family…? I Really do want to be brave enough and love myself enough to stop this terrible terrible torture before I can’t recognize the ones I love anymore. I mentioned early dementia, bleeds in the Brain etc? Well anyways, Truly give them a chance at life, free of the chains that have for so so long, tied them to my bedside. Oh.. now I’m crying again.. I really wanna finish this question though!
Please answer? What is the greater sin?
Do you really believe you someone like me will go to a hell after living in one literally for so very very long. I’m So tired Im so exhausted, why can’t I be…. “selfish” just this once and also give the gift of life to my family at the same time? Or? Should I be “selfish” and live..? wind up screaming in unbearable agony as my son changes my diapers whilst I am screaming and yelling obscenities at the bed pan, why ?? because my dementia is telling me…, it is my doctor or nurse. when and if I remember them at all?? I know that sounds silly, but some version of that would be my reality should I fail in my goal,
The doctors won’t treat pain now. I was treated many many many many years ago, I still remember going on picnics with My sweet husband and my boy! The joy of just being able to wash up the dishes after lunch, make a salad for a family get together! I haven’t been to a family get together.., in, oh it’s been so long. It was a little good go but I still remember what it fell like to have a life outside of my bed. So beautiful. That was my only and last hope and I tried everywhere. However Because I do have longer than 6 month to live..
No hospice, no nurse, no pain relief… after 20 plus years of being brave and “tough” beating the odds… thete are no life lines.. I’ve run into never ending dead ends. I even wrote letters to Big swingers! Our senators, members of Congress!! No joke! I was trying to stop the “war” on pain meds in 2018, even got a letter back from one of our
“great” congressmen! He’s very kindly expressed sadness surrounding my personal situation, however could not change the rules…brand new, not voted in yet “rules” as they have now been written for everyone. People now walk/crawl their way out of back surgery with out more than an ibu profin!! The stories I’ve heard from those I try to help find care are enough to truly help, ALL walks of life, petition for pain treatments , even assisted suicide for chronically Ill men and women just like me .I can’t do this to my loved ones.
I’ll ask you now, is suicide in every and all situations still so very wrong? So “selfish?”Even when it saves everyone around you from watching you fade away right before their eyes, and yourself from living hell, lost scared and only aware of pain that causes screams to escape your tightened lips, tears from your swollen eyes..?
If I change my mind as you and yours would so love, I have to continue letting my loved and adored husband take me to the Bathroom, assist removing hard bowels, give baths, showers… I Will forever, and every year very progressively rely on everyone else to do even the basic, disgusting yet simple functions I can’t do now. oh my gosh! I can’t even fathom what’s in the future! Can’t you understand? I was never going to take the time to post anything here, I just thought maybe… Just maybe I could help one more person understand, suicide is not evil. It’s not selfish, well, not in every case. It can be done out of love, concern.
I ask you desperately and beg for an answer?? it’s so incredibly painful and horrible to watch them watch me die slowly and horrifically. I’m talking blood and fluids everywhere. My husband can now barely hold his career because he can’t leave me alone anymore. FMLA has maximum days a month off, unpaid too, we quickly eat through his paid leave within the first few months of the year. The house is next to go. He loves me enough to let me go, I know that without even asking.
Do you?
Or as I’ve asked.., is it selfish for me to go to join my father and mother in heaven.. or perhaps go to hell?
Or, is it selfish to distort my loved ones lives a day at a time.. until they endless years in the future watch a woman pass away with a huge sigh of well earned /relief!!! A woman who was probably in the end verbally abusive, to nurses.. problematic for other patients in the nursing home I’ll have to go into, a reflection of myself who had not a clue who they were, screaming endlessly in pain and confusion.. a woman who had NO IDEA THAT SHE WAS A WIFE AND MOTHER to these blessed poor souls who poured every cent and speck of love, time and ounce of nerves on ..someone.. whom vaguely looked liked a loved one.
That is my most realistic future should I fail at my task. So I ask you again, please answer and honestly so…… Is it selfish of me to want to save myself and the boys for anything like that future and even from our current situation. Or would it be selfish to cling to this life, come what may…. Watching myself worse than every day, my thoughts get more refuddled, my husband struggle more and more to make the house payment.
Should people who are in curably ill with one or many conditions be allowed to choose? In every state, not just one or two did you have to live in for years before you can even apply For program filled with so much red tape you don’t have a chance.
Should there be something out there for those of us who really are trying not to be selfish? Please tell me, after hearing all my story after hearing my
Incredibly long story, would you condemn me to hell for the “evil” I’ve been planning on,, no, counting on?
My god I am so sorry for your agony. I do wish that there was a “death with dignity” kind of clause for cases where someone has terminal pain or end of life agony. Thank you for sharing your story and your thoughts. I heard your cries. And I wish I could give you a hug.
I love my two kids, my wife (their stepmother) and so importantly to me-Jesus Christ. This!! This is what holds me from ending things by suicide. My sincere apologies to whom ever this may offend. I’m only sharing -me!
Hi tony. I hear that you love your family. And Jesus. But I am wondering if you are struggling to live yourself right now. Tell me what has driven you to a dark place on your life?
Please don’t give up hope even if people make unkind remarks I apriciate what you are doing here.
Thank you Trebor. Has someone made unkind remarks to you?
Please just tell me how to die I am a heart trans plant and have diabetes and I just want to end it please just please
Mariana. Heart transplant and diabetes. Those are some huge challenges. I am a brain tumor survivor. Tell me more about you. I am listening. I will answer.
I came here for a legit suicide advice, i feel your loss but i dont appreciate you clickbaiting people. if you have no solid advice to give. Say your comforting words to whoever wants to hear them.
I feel those experiencing suicide intensity are not themselves for the amount of time that brain attack is happening. I do understand and appreciate your objections and I also understand it would make you angry.
Anne,
I am sorry for your loss. Your son was young and had life in front of him. I am old, in pain, and my life is behind me. My thoughts of suicide are selfish. I am tired of pain and have no hope of change. It is not that the world is better off without me, as the world does not care about me at all. It is that I am better off without the world.
There are only two things that hold me back from completing my task. I don’t want to hurt those who foolishly love me and I fear Hell, but as time marches forward, those reasons hold less and less sway over me. Why is suicide seen in such a negative light? How many failed suicides try again until they get it right?
Dave I’m so sorry for your pain. I think that most people really don’t want to die. I am not one to pass judgment because I don’t stand in your shoes.
Thank you for commenting. I want to know about your pain because it helps me to understand the “why.”
I feel the same, Dave. I would like to meet you so that the two of us could speak freely about it. All pro-suicide sites have been shut down, it’s awful not having anyone to talk to. I hope you will reply.
I can listen and answer Tracey. I won’t “fix.”
Hi there…
I am not looking for a way to kill myself….
My son Brandon (16), committed suicide on 15 August 2018, I believe it was murder, but no one believes me.
I just want to say thank you for your site, and I pray young teenagers will find it, so that they can get help…
I was actually looking for a site that can actually prove to me that what he had done, is even possible…
Kind regards
Catherine
Oh catherine. I am so sorry. Either way, murder or suicide, it’s devastating to lose a child. I know how that feels. Thank you for commenting. A lot of people thought at first there might be foul play with my son’s suicide. But he had journals that show the suffered thoughts of suicide for years. And I never knew.
Bitch i thought this was a fucking how to, not a fucking thing saying “no dont do it” if i wanted help i’d google that shit. this fucking shit is misleading you dumb cunt
Your anger is understandable in A moment of desperation and pain. But having been on the other side of a suicide, the suicide loss survivor, it’s worth it to try. Some don’t even know they are looking up ways to die. And people have used these posts to reach out for help.
Amen.
You have every right to be angry. It hurts like hell. Thoughts of suicide, that is.
Why is this site a top hit for ‘How do I kill myself with a shotgun?’
If I wanted help Id seek it. Its my choice to die, not yours.
I am sorry you feel the way you do. I can’t help but give it a try. I rank for other pages on ways to die and some have made the decision not to kill themselves because of it. So some people are not sure they want to die.
Another win! Thank you for continuing to share.
Thank you my friend
I pray they grasp the lifeline you are throwing out there. I didn’t know there is a text helpline too. Such a good idea.
Me, too Leigh
I love that you do this, that you don’t shrink from what desperate people are thinking. Keep throwing out that lifeline, Anne Moss. ❤️
I will. I usually use some keyword search tools to help me. But google won’t return ant results on this subject. I do understand. They don’t want people running ads with those phrases
WOW……..
You know why I do this? So I can be the page someone goes to when they are searching for ways to die. I am hoping they will stay with us.