We used to be four. Now we are three. I still struggle with that.
I regret I did not have more children. Not that other children would “replace” the one I lost to suicide . It’s just I feel our family is so much smaller now.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m thankful and grateful for what I have. I know parents who lost their only child. I know parents who’ve lost more than one. People say, “I’d never survive that.” Yes, you would. Because you have no other choice.
So we do survive. But how do we survive?
We cannot beat ourselves up for laughing and living again. We can’t let ourselves drown in bitterness or hide sorry in the alcohol we swallow. We can’t let those lethargic grief days become the norm. We can’t feel guilty for grieving our child for the rest of our lives and not “getting over it.”
Most importantly, we can’t let the death of a child be the last chapter of our own.
Merry Christmas and thank you for your blog. I love knowing that I am not alone as a parent dealing with mental illness in my child. I plan to write about how I survive and hope to share with you in the new year.
I look forward to your story. People need to know how complex it is. That’s how change happens. Thank you for commenting
Merry Christmas to you and Randy and Richard. And Charles and Whitten on their clouds….
I like that. To Whitten and Charles on their clouds. Whitten is such a great name by the way. Best to you Gray
mwah. <3
Merry Christmas! Remembering our loved ones and living on well ! You are strong and Charles is so proud of you and your family!
Thank you so much Kim. Means a lot
Beautifully said. Merry Christmas, Anne Moss, Randy and Richard. Merry Christmas to Charles in heaven. ❤️🎄
Thank you Amy. Right back st you. Your grandchildren are so lovely. I know you will enjoy them.