We used to be four. Now we are three. I still struggle with that.
I regret I did not have more children. Not that other children would “replace” the one I lost to suicide . It’s just I feel our family is so much smaller now.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m thankful and grateful for what I have. I know parents who lost their only child. I know parents who’ve lost more than one. People say, “I’d never survive that.” Yes, you would. Because you have no other choice.
So we do survive. But how do we survive?
We cannot beat ourselves up for laughing and living again. We can’t let ourselves drown in bitterness or hide sorry in the alcohol we swallow. We can’t let those lethargic grief days become the norm. We can’t feel guilty for grieving our child for the rest of our lives and not “getting over it.”
Most importantly, we can’t let the death of a child be the last chapter of our own.