I know everyone says I’ll see Charles again. And I do believe that.
Most of the time.
But there are times I don’t. Times when my mouth goes dry, my heart aches and I think, “What if nothing happens when people die?” Done with the dust and unable to feel the love.
Maybe we make up the “after life” because we fear the end. Fear death. Maybe we say we will see our loved ones again because we need to believe it, because it brings us comfort.
Am I the only one who ever thinks about this? Am I a terrible person that my faith is not as 100% as so many of you?
I question everything. I always have. And I have doubts. There’s no talking me out of how I feel or invalidating those feelings. This is simply what I struggle with.
It never mattered as much to me as it does now.
So I just have to be satisfied that I buy into some kind of “heaven” about 60% of the time. I have to find comfort that when I speak and write I feel Charles with me.