Last night I had an unusual experience. I woke up from a series of short scary dreams. Not necessarily nightmares but the sort of stories Charles used to tell to spook me. When I woke up, I was verbally talking, telling Charles to quit pranking me because the dreams were messing up my sleep.
I was lying on my left side. Then I get this odd but pleasant tingly feeling all over and feel gentle pressure everywhere on my body like I’m being wrapped up in something warm and cozy.Truthfully it was the most surreal experience I have ever had.
Then this feeling of pure bliss like I’ve not ever felt before washes over me. Absolute euphoria and a little bit of fear because the sensations I am feeling are so unusual. I still have not made a move at all and am not sure I can but something is telling me not to try.
I remember the last time this happened and it was so abbreviated and I wanted it to stay– to feel wrapped in it. Then it dawns on me. This is a hug. And it’s the second hug and the third odd experience where I felt Charles’ presence so distinctly.
The other two were so surprising that I think I aborted the experience by trying to control it. Or maybe it was fear stemming from utter surprise. I had vowed if it ever happened again to “let it in” so to speak and not try to control it. This time it lasted about a minute and a half. Afterwards, I fell into a deep, blissful happy sleep.
Are grieving moms crazy? Or are we simply more aware? Or just desperate for our lost child? What was it? I’d write it off if the feeling if I had not been so awake and so aware this time around.
Nobody gave more genuine heartfelt hugs than Charles. You just felt like you had hit the emotional lottery when he hugged you. Always so full of love. So that’s what I’m going with. I got a hug from my boy and I hope I get one again.