It’s been 9 years since the last time I saw you

by Cayla Fendick

Strong emotional content and suicide method referenced. If you are in crisis, text “help” to 741-741 or call 988

Cindy Fendick and her daughter Cayla Fendick

You were sitting at the counter at the Park Diner. It was the first and only time you had ever visited me at work, and I couldn’t believe you actually did come. Earlier that morning,

I was at your apartment, like almost every other morning you had off work–drinking coffee. You literally always made the best coffee and I “stole” one of your shirts (I still have it). You said you’d … Read more...

My mother’s suicide didn’t define how she lived

by Brynne Weaver

(Caption for the picture above: Barbara Ann DeTurk Weaver 05/18/1960 – 08/25/2005)

The thing about suicide is: everyone assumes everything was bad.

This assumption has bothered me for years. The day of my mom’s funeral – where the air was filled with an insurmountable heaviness, “So sorry, so terribly sorry, we never knew, we never thought….”

Yes, well. Neither did we.

My mom was extroverted, fun. She was loud, loved to laugh, and smoke and drink. She loved pranks. She loved her ’80s hair (long after the ’80s) and bright red lipstick. She loved us. She showered … Read more...

My mother’s suicide lives on in me

by Rebecca Thomas

Trigger warning: Suicide method mentioned briefly.  

Rosemary Jerjian
Rosemary Jerjian

In mid 2018, after Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain died by suicide, it was their families I thought of almost immediately.

I know very well the lifetime of difficulty ahead for them.

My mother died by firearm when I was thirty-three. I try to tell people this as evenly as possible. As if it was an interesting fact of my life, and not a deep and central nerve–a thing woven into my flesh and bone.

Children left behind by suicide carry the persistent ache of a parent erased. They … Read more...

I’ve never written anything like this

By Shannon G. 

I saw a friend “like” one the blog posts here on addiction and I ended
Your “How To Hang Yourself” post had my heart racing.

I decided I was going to chime in.

I’ve been a mental illness/suicide advocate for a few years now, but I’ve never written anything like this. I just went with it.

Strength is hard to find within yourself when you’ve been depleted of it for so long.  And the sad thing is, you’re the only one who can refill your strength. When you’re so deflated, how are you ever supposed … Read more...