Trigger Warning: Strong emotional content and suicide method referenced. If you are in crisis, text “help” to 741-741 or call 988
You were sitting at the counter at the Park Diner. It was the first and only time you had ever visited me at work, and I couldn’t believe you actually did come. Earlier that morning,
I was at your apartment, like almost every other morning you had off work–drinking coffee. You literally always made the best coffee and I “stole” one of your shirts (I still have it). You … Read more...
(Caption for the picture above: Barbara Ann DeTurk Weaver 05/18/1960 – 08/25/2005)
The thing about suicide is: everyone assumes everything was bad.
This assumption has bothered me for years. The day of my mom’s funeral – where the air was filled with an insurmountable heaviness, “So sorry, so terribly sorry, we never knew, we never thought….”
Yes, well. Neither did we.
My mom was extroverted, fun. She was loud, loved to laugh, and smoke and drink. She loved pranks. She loved her ’80s hair (long after the ’80s) and bright red lipstick. She loved us. She showered … Read more...
In mid 2018, after Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain died by suicide, it was their families I thought of almost immediately.
I know very well the lifetime of difficulty ahead for them.
My mother died by firearm when I was thirty-three. I try to tell people this as evenly as possible. As if it was an interesting fact of my life, and not a deep and central nerve–a thing woven into my flesh and bone.
Children left behind by suicide carry the persistent ache of a parent erased. They … Read more...
I’ve been a mental illness/suicide advocate for a few years now, but I’ve never written anything like this. I just went with it.
Strength is hard to find within yourself when you’ve been depleted of it for so long. And the sad thing is, you’re the only one who can refill your strength. When you’re so deflated, how are you ever supposed … Read more...