by Anonymous Mom in North Carolina
I know they can go back, with triggers and all the other life stuff he can easily go back!
It’s a nightmare being a mother worrying with daily fear of where my son is and if he is safe–with sleep deprivation and riding the roads at night! I don’t know why one child survives and another one doesn’t, but I do know when everyone was telling me to kick my son out because of his behavior– stealing from us and raging with every lie why he needed money!
I just couldn’t.
I cried, pleaded, prayed for almost ten years. I thought I was losing my mind! I got a call from Chapel Hill and he had been taken there from rehab with serious fever and kidney infection. It went into his heart and there was talk about loosing a kidney and then valve replacement going in the left ventricle!
A total of 117 days in rehab, two hospitals, a nursing home for intense antibiotic treatment through IV, and then learning he had a felony charge to deal with when he gets out. He still has one more year probation.
I thought I was a good mother
I still blame myself that I could have done something. His doctor in Chapel Hill told me he would be dead if I hadn’t prayed, loved him and pleaded for help!
Maybe almost dying and being so sick for so long helped him. Drug addiction is very haunting and I live in fear of relapse any day.
I am not allowed to mention our situation because of the “shame.” My husband and son won’t permit it! It still haunts me, waking in the night and terror of those days. I’m sure that must be common feelings with some family members.
I still have so may worries and no one to talk to! It’s forbidden, if you know what I mean! There are times I didn’t know where he was, there are times the whole family was fighting and everyone avoided each other because I was so frantic!
All I know is everyone , including psychologist told me to kick him out and let him hit “rock bottom!” I couldn’t , but I know it has been the answer for others! I just wanted him close so I could check on him! I had a naloxone kit given to me when I contacted the north carolina harm coalition I saw on FB! I gave him to carry also because his girlfriend overdosed at least 3 times! The police took it away when they got stopped! Thank you!
Anne Moss. Your stories are so important to me, I wish you could print them all out and have them published “memoirs of the hell of addiction.” I hope you find all Charles’ songs and include them as well.
Sometimes we can’t understand, and I don’t think we ever will but I admire your courage and I know your precious Charles would be proud of how you are helping others, just from reading his songs you shared, tells us he was in over his head and he was unhappy with addiction. It can help others knowing the grief and you are very admired for sharing!
Anyway a book, if you haven’t already started would be something I think I would do to get the message out there! Mother to mother, I am proud of your strength and courage!