You feel shame and you’re hiding it from your family because you know they will be hurt. They are tired of it. You are tired of it.
In all honesty, you can’t figure out how you got back to this place. All you know is that you have to feed that monster called addiction. Now. It just pulls you back into that same ugly pattern. Lying to you over and over and over again, making you do things the real you would never do.
So familiar. So miserable.
You don’t want to be in this place at all. You think about reaching out, then change your mind. You even contemplate killing yourself like my son did. This is such agony and you just want to be done with it all.
Stop right there
Your family still loves you even though you relapsed.
You think they don’t because they cut you off. That’s because they now understand that giving you money or otherwise aiding you blocks your recovery. They also can’t bear watching you self destruct and can no longer get sucked into the chaos known as addiction because it’s killing them emotionally.
You are angry because you see it as rejection and abandonment. How could they do this?
The truth is, they can’t do anything until you help yourself. They aren’t doing this to you, your own mind is.
You are not your disease
I have seen people rise from points so low no one ever thought they would survive. They have become amazing, grateful people. You could be one of these people.
I hope there will be something in your brain that clicks and says, “I have had enough.” None of us knows what triggers that. I wish we did.
If you have made it this long you are strong, and lucky
It’s a kick ass disease. What you have survived thus far is a miracle and it must mean something.
Don’t cheat us out of what you can contribute. Who you are or could become. There is just one life. Just one you. There will never be another like you. Ever. Cling to it with everything you’ve got. For yourself. For your family.
Help us help you help yourself. Your soul is rooting for you. We are rooting for you.