There is one thing about this blog I’ve struggled with. Am I being selfish by sharing all that I do? Am I being a spotlight hog?
As a child I was often admonished for “wanting attention.” I was told, “the world doesn’t revolve around you,” shaming me into a world of feminine propriety to keep things to myself.
I have finally come to a conclusion.
I talk, I write because I want to hear from others about their journey and I am healing emotionally as a result of being able to help others. I’ve always wanted to take inventory of how others have resolved problems so I could decide how I would resolve mine.
I don’t know that I would have stuck with this blog without the village of influence we’ve cultivated here.
That would never have happened if I didn’t put myself out there. I wouldn’t be able to figure out how odd, or how normal, our journey was or is without your stories.
My public method of tackling an issue may be unorthodox but who says you have to do things according to a recipe?
The truth is I am not afraid of the spotlight and I am not afraid of shining a spotlight on subjects we talk little about. I never have been. It’s just not in my DNA. I often wondered why aren’t we talking? Why do so many feel such shame when things don’t go perfectly? Isn’t that life? Isn’t that how you learn?
The only way I can get through the death of my son by suicide is to connect with others.
That’s what I crave.
I craved it when my son was alive and we were struggling to find resources to help him.
I want to share him, too. I feel he has a lot to teach us in death that I didn’t appreciate when he was alive.
Reading your stories, listening to others distracts me from wallowing and turning inward. Focusing on others reminds me that I am part of a much bigger picture and it’s not all about me.
Not one comment on any post or article I have ever written goes unread. I cannot focus solely on my own pain because that makes it impossible to find any joy in life and I just don’t want to live that way.
The more attention I can wrestle on the subjects I shine a spotlight on here the better. Solutions don’t happen without conversation.