In short, it’s when grief sneaks up behind you and bam, ambushes you out of nowhere. It takes you down to your knees, it hurts like the devil, it doesn’t ask forgiveness nor does it apologize. You can’t function worth squat and you are confused and weepy.
Just when you think you can’t take another minute, hour or day, it subsides just a bit and then a little more and then some more until finally you see a sliver of light and you rush to open it wider because you are starved for a release from this pain.
Some have said it’s like waves, others say it’s like a roller coaster. Ride it out. Know when to pull yourself out of it. It hurts but it means you are healing.