by Honesty Liller
I sit here today with 10 years of recovery from a Substance Use Disorder and I feel unbelievable gratitude of how my life has changed.
Starting drug use at age twelve wasn’t a typical twelve year old’s life in my hometown. The first time I used, I felt free, happy, and had no cares. And once I found heroin at age seventeen, my life spun out of control.
I fell in love with Heroin
It was the love that I needed to fill a void that was in my soul for years.
It was a warm, slow, … Read more...
Heroin told my son he was invincible and wouldn’t get addicted.
Heroin told Charles it was the answer to his pain, when in fact it made things worse.
Heroin told my son his problems were everyone else’s fault.
Heroin told him just one more hit and then he could stop, but it never let go.
Heroin told him he would feel first-hit euphoria all over again, even though he never did.
Heroin told him to lie, cheat and steal then convinced his brain that was OK when it wasn’t.
Heroin told him his loved ones abandoned him, when in fact it was the drug that made him abandon … Read more...
Charles described to me how heroin “talked” to him. He sort of acted out the conversation. It was riveting and unforgettable.
Once he told me this, I understood what was happening in his head. How seductive it was. How hard it was to escape. How it coaxed him into doing what he didn’t want to do. How the disease of addiction grips someone with that initial euphoria and then kicks them in the ass over and over until they’ll do anything to get out of it. And in Charles’ case, that was suicide.
Charles: I’m not going to take any … Read more...
You’d think after 4.5 years in a family drug support group I’d have zoned right in on the fact that Charles was addicted to heroin.
So if we didn’t figure it out, how did we find out?
Charles stole silver, the sterling I inherited from my family. And he stole Randy’s silver coins from his grandfather which were in the same box.
Addicts steal to support their habit. And it’s not uncommon for an addict to steal from his/her family.
I remember so vividly the day we found out about the missing silver. And no it was not thanksgiving. It was in … Read more...
I am at an AA/NA meeting at The Healing Place in Richmond, VA. One eloquent speaker says, “By the grace of God, those of us here are not wearing toe tags.” Just hearing him talk is worth my time.
I start to cry because my son was one of those that did not make it. His addiction and depression having moved him to suicide.
The young man sitting next to me looks at me. I see his tears, too. He feels the loss and the pain. He and Charles’ paths have been so similar.
He was with Charles those last two weeks. … Read more...