To shrine or not to shrine?

Relatives and friends of those who have lost a child have asked me about whether someone should or should not have a shrine in memory of their child who died.

Some have told me their daughter-in-law, for example, has created a memorial in their home and that it makes them “uncomfortable.”

I say if it helps you cope with a loss this insurmountable, have that memorial shelf or shrine. Don’t let anyone grief shame you out of it. It’s your home and if it makes someone else uncomfortable, that is not your problem. It’s theirs.

I don’t give a rat’s … Read more...

Grief shaming. Why is she still talking about her child who died?

When someone loses a child, they don’t erase her from the family tree

So I’m listening to the radio in the car. The lady who called into the “Complicated Grief Show” started by saying it’s been 8 years since her cousin lost her daughter and that she still goes to visit her grave. The caller went on to say that when she visits her cousin who lost her daughter, she is always looking for ways to interject a story about her deceased child into the conversation.

Then she said, “It’s been so long now and it’s making me uncomfortable.” She … Read more...