That’s why I talk about Charles. That’s why I wrote a book, started this blog, speak to groups, and give back. Because I want my youngest child’s life to have meant something.
That feeling that he didn’t really get to accomplish what he wanted and that I didn’t get to see him reach his goals leaves me feeling unfulfilled.
He wanted to be famous for his music. He definitely had the talent and gifts. I can’t be sure he could have survived the climb but I would have liked to have seen him soak up some notoriety.
And yeah I wanted that sense of pride. We all do as parents don’t we?
There is also the underlying feeling that for him to count I need to accomplish certain things. What if I fail? What if I go before I reach mine and his goals?
That’s part of my own struggle. There have been so many roadblocks along the way I’ve wondered if the universe is telling me something.
I knew this would never be easy. But sometimes I do wish it wasn’t so hard.