That’s why I talk about Charles. That’s why I wrote a book, started this blog, speak to groups, and give back. Because I want my youngest child’s life to have meant something.
That feeling that he didn’t really get to accomplish what he wanted and that I didn’t get to see him reach his goals leaves me feeling unfulfilled.
He wanted to be famous for his music. He definitely had the talent and gifts. I can’t be sure he could have survived the climb but I would have liked to have seen him soak up some notoriety.
And yeah I wanted that sense of pride. We all do as parents don’t we?
There is also the underlying feeling that for him to count I need to accomplish certain things. What if I fail? What if I go before I reach mine and his goals?
That’s part of my own struggle. There have been so many roadblocks along the way I’ve wondered if the universe is telling me something.
I knew this would never be easy. But sometimes I do wish it wasn’t so hard.
I am an emotionally naked mental health speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind and co-author with Kim O'Brien PhD, LICSW of Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my younger son, Charles to addiction and suicide on June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational mental health keynotes, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, anxiety, coping strategies/resilience, and grief.
As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory.
Mental Health Speakers Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.
View all posts by Anne Moss Rogers
4 thoughts on “I want my child’s life to have counted for something”
Oh Anne, I so understand this. It’s heartbreaking and for me causes a sense of desperation. You’ve done so much Anne to make Charles recognized! Not the way he or you would have hoped. 💔. I wanted that for Jill too. I don’t think she would have been able to make the climb fully either. I know her talent was recognized by those she did meet and those who loved her.
I wish carrying on your goal was easier. You’ve done amazing things! Please know how much you’re appreciated and loved!
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Oh Anne, I so understand this. It’s heartbreaking and for me causes a sense of desperation. You’ve done so much Anne to make Charles recognized! Not the way he or you would have hoped. 💔. I wanted that for Jill too. I don’t think she would have been able to make the climb fully either. I know her talent was recognized by those she did meet and those who loved her.
I wish carrying on your goal was easier. You’ve done amazing things! Please know how much you’re appreciated and loved!
Jayne you are a beacon of light today. Thank you. And Jilly was taken before she could fully express her talent too. I know you get it.
I understand. And Covid hasn’t helped.
It has not. I do miss the stage and bonding after. The bonding after being my favorite part.