How can you be yourself when you don’t know who that is

“Just be yourself,” is a common phrase.

That can be hard to figure out when you’re in transition or experiencing a change such as divorce, illness, devastating loss or going through adolescence or menopause.

It’s not a good feeling being at a cross roads, lost at the intersection, and left in the desert without a compass. And it’s hard to find yourself again. When I have found myself at this place I’ve struggled to figure out what going forward means. What is that and where do I turn? People at such a juncture often make big shifts such as a move, change in job. In my case, I sold my business. My husband, on the other hand, took a new job. When my passion shifted, my goals did, too.

This causes anyone to question their purpose, the meaning of life, which has left me frustrated, uncomfortable, confused and often overwhelmed.

I wish I could tell you that there was a 1, 2, 3 to right the ship. But what a brain needs is time to sort through the what ifs and maybes and figure the best way to go whether that’s new, unexpected journeys to somewhere else, running a first marathon, or taking a class at the local museum.

Change is hard.

After several roadblocks, I’ve wobbled in a direction feeling sure of myself one day and in total disarray the next, questioning my every move and feeling like I left the flashlight at home. The path I have chosen is to push for change which is always met with resistance. That’s never comfortable. And never boring either.

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my youngest son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

6 thoughts on “How can you be yourself when you don’t know who that is”

  1. I feel so much the same way. Most of what I know and have learned, goes against the mainstream of thought. I think I’ve always been at the forefront of stuff and have heard so often, “that’s not the way we do it.” (variations on that theme of course included).

    None of my healing has been by the book or standard in any sense. I keep telling people that I really had to let go of everything I thought was true and what I thought worked to find what did.

  2. Thanks for sharing this. There are days I feel so lost and unable to navigate my next steps. Everything in my world feels like it is in disarray emotionally and it seems like a slow process restoring meaning. It does help to know I am not the only one.

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