Trigger warning for vulnerable individuals.
If you or someone you know is suffering thoughts of suicide, here are some resources.
Suicide hot line: 1-800-273-8255
Suicide text line: 741-741
Veteran’s Services 1-800-273-8255, press 1
Veteran’s Text line send HELP to 838-255
Kate is 50 years old and found this blog from google, is currently suffering suicidal thoughts and reached out to me through my contact form. I was wondering if you could show her some emotionally naked support.
This is our email conversation that she agreed I could post here. Part of that is so you see how persistent, painful and daunting those thoughts are.
Please make comments below so she feels supported.
Kate: I didn’t want to post on the blog but wanted to say thanks again. You’re obviously passionate about what you do and I know you have and will help many. I’m just not going to be one of them. I’ve tried and tried, I just can’t do it right. Your videos and blog are great. Thanks.
Anne Moss: Kate. Please know that that feeling of intensity has a limited time and if you can make it to through that and you have before you are very strong.
This can also be treated.
Your pain is real. And I am so sorry you suffer from it but I am hoping you take some of the strength you have built by making it this far to give it another try. There is no rush to kill yourself. You can tell me more if you like. Tell me about your pain. I am here to listen. Thank you for reaching out.
Kate: You are nice to engage with a stranger. I don’t know why I felt the need to connect again other than just wanting to put my words somewhere. I can’t do it anymore, I can’t. There’s a hole I can’t fix or fill It makes it hard to breathe. The only calm I feel is because I’ve got plans. I can’t stay anymore, I’m tired.
Anne Moss: A lot of people who are suicidal are calmed by plans. But I am hoping you fight it. And then find help. What irritates me is that there is not an easier process for getting you help. Do not hesitate to call 911. Your brain is literally lying to you. Suicidal thoughts are brain attacks that can be treated. First you have to get to why. Depression? Bipolar? Parkinson’s disease? You can ask for a psychological evaluation. That will tell you.
And it’s people like you that write me that make me feel whole again. I so hope you ask for help. Call someone you know and trust. I so wish my son had told us. I miss him every single day. And I will for the rest of my life. Your contribution to the world is your empathy. Few people have that gift like you do. Although you don’t realize that or recognize it as a gift. But in today’s world we need that. Keep replying. I am still here.
Kate: I wish I knew how to fix this. I don’t have/can’t call anyone. I can’t live like this much longer. I don’t have the right words for the hurt and emptiness in my gut and the burden of it all. I cant pass that to other people, everyone has their own lives and hardships. No one wants to know, not really. I appreciate you listening and am so sorry for your loss.
Anne Moss: Here’s the thing that your brain will not let you believe. Someone does want to hear you and help. They do not want you to die and if you do they will suffer for their entire lives. I know because I suffer now. But I don’t know that you are at a place to believe it. So just keep emailing until you are. That’s the first step to saving yourself. Telling someone. That won’t kill you or them.
I am honored you reached out to me. It tells me that you trust that I will have empathy and treat you with respect and honor that your pain is real and so awful you feel death is your only option to end it. Again your brain Is lying to you. I am mad at your brain for doing that. So just keep replying and there will be a point you will let that thought of telling someone creep in. Because you do want to tell someone. I read it in your message. But damn that is hard, showing your naked soul. But I know from experience people are so glad later they did tell someone. So just keep talking.
I think sometimes there are mistakes. I’m a mistake. I’d rather be punched in the face then feel like this. I’m sorry for your pain over your son, the way you honor him is incredible. I won’t leave that mark I just won’t. Why stay? I have no one I can tell this to, my friends like the person I give them not what’s really there. When I go the person they might miss wasn’t really ever here. My only peace is knowing there’s an end to this.
Anne Moss: Remarkable our experiences are different yet I, too, have felt my pain wasn’t worthy of sharing. That people would shun me. And I still have that fear sometimes because talk about it daily. My son also masked his pain. You know why? He didn’t want to reveal the ugly in his soul. He thought he didn’t matter. And when he called me that last time I heard the despair but not having ever in my life been told anything about suicide I had no idea what that emotion was that I was hearing from him. He didn’t say it outright. While I have forgiven myself it is still a regret that that last call was a cry for help but because he didn’t say “I want to kill myself” it just didn’t penetrate my brain. It takes people time to process because it is so misunderstood.
She then agreed to allow me to ask for your support.
Karla Helbert, LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor) is a grief expert, and recommended this book for those who suffer thoughts of suicide. I will add this to the suicide prevention page, too.