Help me offer support for someone suicidal?

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Trigger warning for vulnerable individuals.

If you or someone you know is suffering thoughts of suicide, here are some resources.

  • Suicide hot line: 1-800-273-8255

  • Suicide text line: 741-741

  • Veteran’s Services 1-800-273-8255, press 1

  • Veteran’s Text line send HELP to 838-255

Kate is 50 years old and found this blog from google, is currently suffering suicidal thoughts and reached out to me through my contact form. I was wondering if you could show her some emotionally naked support.

This is our email conversation that she agreed I could post here. Part of that is so you see how persistent, painful and daunting those thoughts are. 

Please make comments below so she feels supported. 

Kate: I didn’t want to post on the blog but wanted to say thanks again. You’re obviously passionate about what you do and I know you have and will help many. I’m just not going to be one of them. I’ve tried and tried, I just can’t do it right. Your videos and blog are great. Thanks.

Anne Moss: Kate. Please know that that feeling of intensity has a limited time and if you can make it to through that and you have before you are very strong.

This can also be treated. 

Your pain is real. And I am so sorry you suffer from it but I am hoping you take some of the strength you have built by making it this far to give it another try. There is no rush to kill yourself. You can tell me more if you like. Tell me about your pain. I am here to listen. Thank you for reaching out.

Kate: You are nice to engage with a stranger. I don’t know why I felt the need to connect again other than just wanting to put my words somewhere.  I can’t do it anymore, I can’t. There’s a hole I can’t fix or fill It makes it hard to breathe. The only calm I feel is because I’ve got plans. I can’t stay anymore, I’m tired.

Anne Moss: A lot of people who are suicidal are calmed by plans. But I am hoping you fight it. And then find help. What irritates me is that there is not an easier process for getting you help. Do not hesitate to call 911. Your brain is literally lying to you.  Suicidal thoughts are brain attacks that can be treated. First you have to get to why. Depression? Bipolar? Parkinson’s disease? You can ask for a psychological evaluation. That will tell you. 

And it’s people like you that write me that make me feel whole again. I so hope you ask for help. Call someone you know and trust. I so wish my son had told us. I miss him every single day. And I will for the rest of my life. Your contribution to the world is your empathy. Few people have that gift like you do. Although you don’t realize that or recognize it as a gift. But in today’s world we need that. Keep replying. I am still here. 

Kate: I wish I knew how to fix this. I don’t have/can’t call anyone. I can’t live like this much longer. I don’t have the right words for the hurt and emptiness in my gut and the burden of it all. I cant pass that to other people, everyone has their own lives and hardships.  No one wants to know, not really. I appreciate you listening and am so sorry for your loss.

Anne Moss: Here’s the thing that your brain will not let you believe. Someone does want to hear you and help. They do not want you to die and if you do they will suffer for their entire lives. I know because I suffer now. But I don’t know that you are at a place to believe it. So just keep emailing until you are. That’s the first step to saving yourself. Telling someone. That won’t kill you or them.

I am honored you reached out to me. It tells me that you trust that I will have empathy and treat you with respect and honor that your pain is real and so awful you feel death is your only option to end it. Again your brain Is lying to you. I am mad at your brain for doing that. So just keep replying and there will be a point you will let that thought of telling someone creep in. Because you do want to tell someone. I read it in your message. But damn that is hard, showing your naked soul. But I know from experience people are so glad later they did tell someone. So just keep talking.

I think sometimes there are mistakes. I’m a mistake. I’d rather be punched in the face then feel like this.  I’m sorry for your pain over your son, the way you honor him is incredible. I won’t leave that mark I just won’t. Why stay? I have no one I can tell this to, my friends like the person I give them not what’s really there.  When I go the person they might miss wasn’t really ever here. My only peace is knowing there’s an end to this.

Anne Moss: Remarkable our experiences are different yet I, too, have felt my pain wasn’t worthy of sharing. That people would shun me. And I still have that fear sometimes because talk about it daily. My son also masked his pain. You know why? He didn’t want to reveal the ugly in his soul. He thought he didn’t matter. And when he called me that last time I heard the despair but not having ever in my life been told anything about suicide I had no idea what that emotion was that I was hearing from him. He didn’t say it outright. While I have forgiven myself it is still a regret that that last call was a cry for help but because he didn’t say “I want to kill myself” it just didn’t penetrate my brain. It takes people time to process because it is so misunderstood. 

She then agreed to allow me to ask for your support.

Karla Helbert, LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor) is a grief expert, and recommended this book for those who suffer thoughts of suicide. I will add this to the suicide prevention page, too.

43 thoughts on “Help me offer support for someone suicidal?”

  1. Kate,
    I understand. I have been there. There was a period of about a year I woke up every day pissef off to be alive. I could rationalize that everyone would be ok if I died and perhaps better. When we get to that point we can easily make ourselves believe that. But I know better because my son did die by suicide. I live with that pain every day. Life is good for me now but it was a journey out of that dark hole. You can get out too. God is with you and loves you. Check out the resources anne shared. I am pulling for you and praying for you.

    1. Thanks for the support. I’m struggling but all the kind comments from your community have been kind of a surprise to me. It’s different from the constant thoughts that I’ll make things better by killing myself etc. I cant say I dont belive those thoughts, but I’m trying to listen.

  2. Kate I go through this also! I lately have wanted to just be at peace! 2 months this time and honesy still now! I am 51 and have lived my whole life with suicide ideation my brain tells me to die no one will care they are better off I hate life I’m tired I’m not normal I dont fit in (I never have) BUT I ALWAYS KEEP GOING even if i lay in bed for 2 months i dont give up I WANT TO trust me I want to MY BRAIN WANTS ME TO but i have 3 children that it would affect the rest of their life! You sharing about it is so great please hold on if i have to you have to it will pass i swear! I can tell you want help we are here I am going through it right now! It broke a few days ago I was happy but it comes back I say not today satan God created me for a purpose! I love you you are one of us and we can beat this! Never give up!
    You are important to me right now!❤

  3. Kate,
    The fact that you reached out to someone tells me that you want to live. Please hold on, the pain will pass. There are people that love and care for you, even the people online care about you because they feel compelled to write you and WANT you to LIVE. Please know that you are LOVED and YOU MATTER!

  4. Dear Kate.

    I echo what all of these other people have said to you. You are not a burden. Your mind is not well. Please try to get help…. there are so many wonderful mental health professionals out there. I wish my 20 year old could have done that. Missing her every minute is almost unbearable…. but I have to dig deep for my other children and grandchildren. Please, please please try to get to a mental health professional. Thinking of you tonight

  5. Kate I wish I could take your pain but life dictates that I cannot. When my sone died I went to a dark place, filled with intense pain and no sign of a way out; however, I made it through. All our journeys are different though my hopes are for our destinations to be the same. We are broken but not defeated!

  6. Kate, you said “my friends like the person I give them, not what’s really there…” That duality of life is so exhausting, especially when you are depressed. It takes so much energy to put on a good face around others that when you are alone your exhausted brain decides to tell you that you are worthless, that you should take your life. Please don’t listen to that voice. Your life has value and meaning, even when you can’t see it. Don’t let that brain attack (I LOVE that Anne Moss has called it what it is and has helped us all better understand this) lie to you and keep you from getting the help, support and love you need. Please continue to reach out. The emotionally naked tribe cares deeply about you…

  7. Kate, your strength is heroic. And I think you will begin to believe what people are telling you… your life matters! But if your friends don’t know what’s really in your soul, please tell them. You can be helped, but your family and friends will never get over the loss of you, and that they had no idea about your pain. Share it, and accept the love and help that will come your way.

  8. Kate,
    You are loved! I swear there are people out there who love you so much and would do anything to keep you here. I know that empty feeling, I do! Sometimes happiness seems so far away, but i swear it’s there and waiting for you! God loves you and wants you to be happy, he has plans for you! I don’t know you but I love you! I will pray for you Kate.

    Jen

  9. Kate…..Hold on precious! I was forced tapered off meds a few months ago. I lost my mind. I wanted out so bad. I felt useless, alone and scared. I dug deep for my strength. I found it and held on for dear life. I still struggle. Pain is a terrible thing, physically & mentally. You ARE worth it. You DO have purpose. You are a beautiful, precious gift. Dig deep, deeper, deepest. Hang on to that beautiful soul of yours. When you see that light deep inside….follow it, take it in and hold the hell on! I’m with you sweet girl!

  10. Dear Kate
    You matter😊 Anne is correct and your brain is tricking you. My daughter’s brain has tried to take her life at 13. We sought help for her quickly. There is no shame in being treated for depression. She is now a thriving 16 year old. She is now helping her friends who are undiagnosed with depression. She tells them to seek help from a professional and gives them the name/# of her therapist. She’s only 16 and is WAY braver than I will ever be. I have seen her struggle with the unfathomable pain of depression. I understand your pain Kate. Hang in there Kate. Reach out. Continue to receive help. We are pulling for you Kate! You will make it. Just keep telling your brain that. It will eventually listen. 🙏🏼 Donna

  11. I have attempted suicide multiple times and continue to struggle with suicidal thoughts just like yours. It often feels like this life is not worth the feelings of pain and despair that it brings. On the days that I can’t drown out the noise, I wonder what the purpose of it all is. I wonder why I should keep going.

    My questions are answered during the days that aren’t as bad. When I confide in others, just like you have, and find that I am not alone in this struggle. When I devote my little energy to doing things that I love. When I spend time with the people who accept me for who I am and do not ask me to change.

    You are not alone in this fight and neither am I. We are meant to be here for some unknown reason, and I hope yours will become apparent to you soon. Until then, keep reaching out and searching for something to hold onto.

    Sending you all of my love,
    Paige

  12. I have lived thing many days of suicidal thoughts. If you just keep moving forward and ask for help, the pain will stop eventually. I want you to know that those of us who suffered suicidal thoughts care about you. Many of us have made it a mission to help others like you. You can DM me on Twitter @WellMentally or msg me on Instagram @wellmentally.

  13. Hold on Kate! Keep reaching out! I pray you will fight to be a success story that can inspire others. You have that power even if you don’t feel it right now! YOU MATTER 🙏🏻😘

  14. I am in awe of the strength you have shown in opening up today, Kate. That takes courage and will. Many of us who follow Anne’s story are familiar with the feelings you have expressed–either through loss or personal struggle. Please know that you are not a burden and that there are people that you see as busy or overwhelmed with their own lives, who would unconditionally pause everything else to listen and learn about what you are going through right now. Please keep talking.

  15. Kate, please give your friends a chance to help. You may be pleasantly surprised that they want to know the real you underneath the person you have been showing them, beyond your smile or your hurting eyes.

    Please hang on. It does get better. Give this community a chance to help.

    💚Jamie

  16. Kate,
    You have exhibited great bravery and strength by reaching out to Anne Moss and also allowing her to share your conversation. The ways in which her followers have been touched by suicide all differ in some way, yet what is a common thread for all of us is either experiencing what you are feeling or having someone in our lives who does. First, you are doing well at articulating your feelings. It seems you have some comfort typing it. Please reach out to the Crisis Text Line. Text CONNECT to 741741. Live counselors will help you through the times where you feel Suicide is your only option.
    Our middle age brings the gift of true friends. We may not connect with them as often as we would like but the bond doesn’t change. Those who like the “person” you say does not exist, are the conditional friends that your brain is telling you they are. Your brain is sick and wants you to believe that you shouldn’t be here. That is not reality. Your brain is hurting you and it can be helped. I know it doesn’t feel like that at all right now. We are all sharing our comments to keep you here because we understand that you do have a purpose on Earth and that people love you and do not want to lose you. Those people will help you. There is a great deal of information just on this blog that you can point them to, to do some of the speaking for you. Work with us and stay with us to get you out of crisis. Use the text line. There is so much we can help you with once the crisis time is over to help you get the medical help that will benefit you and help you share how you feel and what you experience with your friends. Keeping reaching out. #BeHereTomorrow

    1. I couldn’t feel further away from brave or strong. I have friends but not true friends. I dont blame them, it’s my fault they aren’t closer or allowed in. If my brain is sick maybe it cant be fixed
      I don’t think it can.

  17. Kate, Thank you for reaching out to Anne Moss. That is the first step to your overcoming this. You matter. You may not be able to see past the abyss that has taken hold of your brain, but your brain is tricking you. Lying to you. Telling you that you don’t matter and that no one would miss you.
    Those are all lies.
    You are important. You are loved. You have no idea how many people would mourn your passing even from afar. You can fight this. Your presence here is meaningful even if you don’t see it right now. You’ve touched people. A smile, a nod, a kind word You’ve done all those things and you matter.
    Please look at the resources Anne Moss posted. You’ve taken the first step, which is the hardest. Take the second. This community is here for you.
    You can do this, Kate. I have faith in you.
    Namaste

    1. Dear Kate ,
      You are a special person deserving to live a life free of suicidal thoughts due to depression and anxiety, you have no control over this . People that have never experienced it don’t know the torture you deal with on a daily basis . It’s great you reached out to Anne ….. keep asking for help and find a doctor that specializes in depression and anxiety. I do believe this will help . I have had severe depression for years the medication works well , sometimes I feel good I take breaks from the medication and start isolating, sleeping everything that makes me feel worse . You have people that Love you and want you around . Please take good care of you because there is only one you and you can’t be replaced stay strong and know there are people to help get you through these rough patches . Much Love to you !!

  18. Kate, I understand your agony. I have dealt with depression for almost 4 decades. The feelings you are having I have. I also failed at suicide 3 times. There is nothing I can say that will change your feelings, but maybe your thoughts. You are worth fighting for. There is love, compassion and understanding for you. Don’t give up looking for it. There are treatments and medications that will help. Good days can outnumber the bad. I also have a daughter who struggles with depression and continually fights her own battles. You have to fight. Depression is like any other disease, you can beat it or live with it. We are drawn to isolation is, but it is the worst thing when suicidal. Our thoughts consume us and it becomes impossible change them. Get out, do something to distract and redirect your thinking. Be around people who are loving and kind. Reach out, call, write scream if you need to. Please don’t do anything to harm yourself today. Give life a chance to turn around for you. Have hope. Kate, call me if you want to talk. I promise I will listen. Sending much love, Suzie 804-221-1461

    1. I really appreciate your support especially for some random person you don’t know.
      I found Anne’s blog while searching for the best way to hang myself. I don’t know why I contacted her but I did and she responded. I don’t know what to say, I’ve lost my words. other than I don’t want to be here anymore. It hurts and I can barely breathe. So many saying I matter, I’m important…I’m not. I bring nothing. I’ve tried but I’m struggling and I’m tired of it all.

  19. Wow Kate! I am in awe of how much strength you have to keep going and the bravest step of all…to ask for help. So many people don’t. You have and that says you want to stay and fight for your precious life. Please let Anne Moss know how you’re doing. So many people sending you love and support.

  20. Kate:

    Hi, I’m 46 years old and I understand your pain completely!!! I lost my daddy at the end of April and it’s been the hardest blow(my grieving process has just begun)and with Christmas coming it’s been so painful! I’ve been hiding behind a mask and at work I have felt like a robot. I know those thoughts as a suicide survivor I will get those thoughts still, but I have to dig deep, to a place to find that strength! I often ask why me, why bother, but then I think about the good things in my life, yes it sucks cause at that time it is happening I don’t feel like I have anything but I do! It takes one minute at a time shoot sometimes one second at a second. Try to find one little thing a day to do positive and be positive. Tiny steps!!! I’m living proof life can and will be worth it. My daddy’s death is brutal but I know he would not want to see me yet!! I’m taking it second by second. Allow yourself to feel what it needs to feel, but go get and help and talk to someone!!! Remember it’s hard for people to understand if they have not walked in our shoes!!! But, I have!!! This time of year can be one of the happiest and saddest, for people. Again, dig deep and find that inner strength!!!! I will pray for you and hope to hear updates!!! God Bless and much love!!!!!

    1. I’m sorry for the loss of your father and thank you for taking time to give support. I’m trying but I’m tired. Tired of the hurt, tired of being fine. My head is wrong and I cant seem to figure out how to fix it.

  21. Dear Kate,
    Every day you wake up, you are meant to be here. We know the pain, the despair, and loneliness you are feeling. However, you are not alone. You have your own story to be shared and heard. There are so many of us available to carry you, to be with you, lift you, and give you hope. Yes, hope. I’d like to share the support systems, resources and ways of healing that have been miraculous. MISS Foundation, Compassionate Friends to name a few. Please reach out!!

  22. Kate, I urge you to stay in touch with Anne Moss!! She is a truly amazing lady & I feel certain she’s saved lives with her many forms of outreach and connections.
    You have a lot of folks pulling for you, some of whom have never had the pleasure of meeting you (like myself), so please don’t sell yourself short.
    With love & caring from a fellow ‘60’s baby, Paula
    P.S. If I’ve made it to almost 55 (in 2 months), you can do this!!!! 💪🏽 🙏🏽 ❤️

  23. Hi, Kate – I’m thinking about you right now and I know others are, too. We care about you! Please let us know how you are doing.

  24. Kate, I lost my son 22 months ago yesterday just 8 days before his 21st birthday. I heard after he was gone that he thought everyone else would be better off without him. He was wrong. When my son died, who I am was died and now my mission is to do the right thing regardless of what others think. I had to learn to love myself and be satisfied that living up to others expectations was not my purpose.

    You have a purpose, it is just a little clouded right now. Talk to God, let go of your pre- existing disappointments and remember that we do not have to be defined by our past. Every life is a precious gift from God and maybe your purpose is to give and in that you will receive.
    Take care of you, Mind, body, and soul and you will find the purpose you may not see today.
    You connected with Anne, there is reason for that none of us know right now but I am positive it wasn’t to say good bye. I look forward to seeing what you do with the next 50 years of your life.

    Don

  25. Karen, we all have value. Please find help. An entire community of people are hear to listen and help you find peace in this world. Your friends care about you and would love to help and support you if you will let them know. The thing about being 50 is the friends you have now are the friends you can count on. You have spent time cultivating the relationships you need and they will be there for you!

  26. Kate, I am so saddened to hear of the pain and helplessness you are feeling. Please trust that we are all connected and we are meant to help/love one another. Each of us is woven into the tapestry of life in a special way and your contribution is needed to make us all whole. I am no stranger to the dark place that tells us that the world would be better without us and it is just not true. It can change, it will change. You are worth so much more than you realize. PLEASE reach out for a hand. Mine is available

  27. Kate, I’m so sorry you feel this way. I can’t pretend to know your situation or your brain so,all I can do is tell you you are not alone. The faces you see on most people, including me, are just that: faces. For many, its a daily fight to simply put that face “on” and keep going, no matter what their face “says”. You are in pain and feel hopeless, but please please know there are so many who care about you…people you don’t even know. I am one.

  28. Is there anyone near you that comes to mind when you think that maybe, just maybe you’d talk about this?

    You don’t have to talk with them yet. But you could meet them in a quiet place and just be together for a little while? Share a snack. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll feel able to say something.

    Please keep reaching out Anne Moss. Please stay connected. Brains lie to us and trick us all the time.

    You can get through this to a place where things feel better. I know you can.

  29. Kate. I don’t know you but am sitting here in awe of your strength. Please push through this brain attack. Anne Moss is so right. You matter. You will leave behind a gaping hole in someone’s heart, the brain attack just doesn’t let you believe this. I too lost my son and I miss him every day. I am pulling for you as are many in this tribe. 💙💙💙

  30. God makes no mistakes. You are not a mistake. You will leave a hole in someone’s life. Please fight the darkness and find the light. This world has so much beauty to be found, it begins with you ❤️ I am praying for you.

  31. Kate..virtual hug coming your way..plz continue to reach out for help..you made the most important step by talking with Anne…you are valuable and your life matters..get yourself to a hospital and share with them how you are feeling..your brain is hurting and it can be helped..this time of year is especially difficult for those who struggle with depression. .keep reaching out

  32. Dear Kate,
    I’m so sorry your pain so overwhelming. You reaching out to Ann Moss was very brave and shows you are stronger than you think. I agree with Anne Moss that your brain is telling you lies. Please, please understand that. Continue to reach out to to talk, please seek help through whatever mental health services are in your area. And remember we are here, we care and we will listen.

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