It’s not uncommon for a parent to feel suicidal after the death of a child.
In fact, one third of the group of suicide loss survivors I facilitated struggled with thoughts of suicide. While all of my group had lost a child to suicide, it’s not uncommon for parents who’ve lost a child to any cause of death. It’s so hard and in some parents, it can bring on feelings of failure and loss so acute it triggers thoughts of suicide.
No matter how a child dies, there is a correlation to early death of parents whether it’s from an accident, disease or suicide.
Here’s what I’m saying.
Death of a child is out of order and as a result, you are under more stress than you have ever endured which has a bearing on your physical and mental health. If you find yourself, in your grief, suffering from thoughts of suicide, do not hesitate to reach out for help. Calling a local resource or crisis line is your best bet but I’m going to offer national and international resources.
A suicide grief support group saved me and here are some resources for support groups in the United States. It was the best thing I ever did after my own son’s suicide.
Grief Support, National
- Suicide loss support groups in the US and abroad
- GriefShare Group Locator – National Chapter Locator for general grief and loss
- The Dougy Center – National, grief support for children and families
- Compassionate Friends Chapter Locator – National Chapter Locator for loss of a child
- More Resources here
If you’ve had one single fleeting thought of killing yourself, stop right now and program into your phone or call one of these numbers. Reach out to me.
Crisis lines in Virginia
U.S. Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255. U.S. Crisis text line 741-741.
Suicide hotlines for other countries
Suicide Hotlines England
Free eBook Coping Strategies for Grief & Loss
Short, easy-to-read strategies for managing the pain of grief by Anne Moss Rogers, Karla Helbert LPC, and contributing author Charlotte Moyler. Download Now.
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I’ve seen profound depression and suicidal thoughts in parents who have lost a child to a medical condition (cancer, etc) in my work. I can imagine how magnified this would be when your child has died by suicide. Thank you for another post that reaches out with concrete help for those in need…
Thank you for that perspective, Amy. Your experience as a hospice nurse provides valuable perspective
(Hospice social worker/counselor, not nurse, but thank you!!!)
Thanks A-M for acknowledging this.
Depression runs in my family and my son got it from me. I was suicidal for at least 18 months. I take meds and see a therapist. But every month or two, I wonder what the point is anymore, what purpose do I have…
So these thoughts are probably more common than I thought.
When I applied for a suicide loss support group, it was one of the first questions they asked. So I asked about it and the grief counselor said it’s not uncommon. She had told me it was somewhere around one third of the parents have those thoughts. She said it was lower for other types of loss. Not an official study but from her point of view. I never forgot that fact. I am glad you are taking care of yourself.
Depression and addiction run on both sides of my family. I seem to only get depression after I have general anesthesia for about 8 weeks and I got it when I was pregnant with Charles. So it’s not something I’ve dealt with on a day to day basis.
Thank you for bringing it up. I think the thing that keeps it from happening to survivors, is that we do not want to cause this much pain to anyone else…
So you have the added stress of suffering from depression as you go through this grief journey. You are amazing, Gray. The inner resources that must take.
Thank you for openly sharing. I go through the same thought process more often than I would like since I lost my son. Medication and therapy keep me okay but it feels as though I always see the feeling in the horizon. I am keeping faith that it will change one day. I also remind myself that he would never want that for me and that there is still so much ahead.