Charles and Sandy Hook. Letter to God

I remember thinking that Charles didn’t pay any attention to the news.

I was wrong

It was after Charles’ suicide when his friend Max from Wasatch Academy, the high school from where Charles graduated, sent me this video which I had never seen. In it you will hear exactly how a depressed kid thinks. How they take on the world’s problems and see themselves as such flawed human beings.

He was deeply touched, angered and saddened by the Sandy Hook shooting. Much more than I thought.

Charles had many gifts but the untreated depression that he thought he could “manage on his own” was too much. I wish he had accepted help. Due to stigma of mental illness and fear of what might happen to him if he admitted it, he adamantly refused to acknowledge he had it.

Those tragically lost in Sandy Hook, probably as a result of young man who also suffered from mental illness and expressed that pain in tragic way that not only took his own life and his mother’s in addiction to innocent children and teachers.

I have to say that as awful as my son’s suicide is, I don’t live through the hell the shooter’s father has had to deal with. After it happened, both the deceased mother and the father that survived them came under such awful scrutiny. None of us are perfect parents.

Some of us are dealt a deck we didn’t expect

The truth is, we don’t have control over another human being including our children, particularly if they suffer from the psychosis of a mental illness. Getting treatment is exceptionally difficult. I know that first hand having dealt with a child who suffered from mental illness and refused treatment. Resources are few and somehow the population at large still expects parents to fix it.

I am remembering the victims of the Sandy Hook tragedy, their families as well as the father and extended family of the shooter.

All need our love and support.

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Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my youngest son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

4 thoughts on “Charles and Sandy Hook. Letter to God”

  1. Oh, Anne, Charles was so passionate and caring. I know you miss him so much. Thank you for all you are doing to shed light on people who are depressed. and on those left after suicide. It is so true that we have no control over another’s life. We can’t know their negative thoughts. But we can discuss feelings and let them know we care and that there is help.

  2. Wow- Wow-Wow…

    incredible- listened to it many times- what insight , talent and anger channeled into poetry wish I knew him…

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