Darkness

morninglight

Charles’ friend Michael’s brother sent this to me to share. Thank you for sharing Thomas. Keep writing! I can feel this in my soul. It will help other young adults to know they are not alone. Readers, please comment. 

by Thomas Stewart

Better off asleep
I don’t wanna think
But shit I’m still counting sheep
Cleaning the vomit from the sink
I know that they love me
I know that they care
But they can’t fuckin’ see
Its my final frontier.
I’m flooded with tears
Hit it and shit disappears
Death I don’t fear
Shit, it’s invited
Me? I’m excited
Shit even delighted
They say I’m shortsighted
They say I’m bipolar
I just shrug off my shoulder
I’d take back my birth
Reezin’ was right*
Shit’s hell on earth

I’m losing my mind and my will to fight
Lucky I lost all the blades
Fuck is it day or night?
Can’t tell with shut shades
But in comes the light
Even in darkness
Sometimes it shines
Peaks you a smile right through the blinds

I’m awake in a dream
In it I’m clean
I’m happy and free
The things that I see
Make no sense to me
Overuse the fabreeze
My pipe has been seized
Like my body on lean
Shit call me a fien
Wipe up the blood mister clean

*Reezin’ refers to Charles’ rapper name, Reezin’ the Revolutionary

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Verse for the Lonely – by Charles Aubrey Rogers

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am the mother of two boys and the owner of emotionally naked, a site that reached a quarter million people in its first 18 months. I am a writer and professional public speaker on the topics of suicide, addiction, mental illness, and grief and my book, Diary of a Broken Mind, will be published in the fall. I lost my youngest son, Charles, 20, to suicide June 5, 2015. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website

6 thoughts on “Darkness”

  1. Thomas, Thank you for sharing your light on bi-polar. I share your views in that I’ve “been there” but that glimpse of light showed me there are others like us. If we’re gone, who will help them? And in helping others, I’m helped myself. xo

    So, I go to my Psych
    I try all the meds
    Some are pathetic
    Some not so bad.
    I reached out to God
    And asked Him Why?
    When I woke in the morn
    He said,”give another try”.

    Crying and sleeping
    Sleeping and crying
    I kept a journal
    Day after day…
    I was barely whining.
    By some odd reason
    There was a time
    When I stopped
    Said-There’s no way
    I don’t wanna live this line.
    Still a dim light, so ok
    I’ll fight this
    With even a tenth
    Of my wanting
    To live to help others
    A new day is dawning.

    He said remember
    My mercies are new
    “Just ask Me” -raved,
    So I’ll live like I’m dying
    Each day I am saved.

    Hanging on by a thread
    At times I don’t want to
    But God’s not through
    His voice ever prompts me
    To reach out to speak
    To remember that pain,
    In hopes someone hears
    And considers the same.

    Live for yourself
    But don’t forget others
    Cause someone you know
    May hear and discover…
    Life.

    Sending my love & light of thanks to you.

    Summer

  2. You don’t know me and I don’t know you and as crazy as this may sound to you…I care.
    Your poem is beautifully written and meaningful. Please continue to share your gift.

  3. Thomas, your poetry is hauntingly beautiful. I am so sorry for your pain. I hope you will reach out to someone you can trust & share these thoughts & feelings. There is help out there!

  4. Beautiful, Thomas. Thank you for sharing your pain, your heart. May you cling to hope in the dark times… You have a gift to share.

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