9 Things I no longer tolerate since my son’s suicide

Ahhhh. It feels so good to let go of that baggage, simplify my life and bond with those who are genuine. While some of these have always grated on my nerves, now I cannot bear to be around it. Here goes, stuff I can no longer tolerate.there-are-three-things-i-cant-stand-1-liars-2-spiders-3-poorly-blended-eyeshadow-a41c5

  1. I can’t tolerate judgmental people – If you have not walked in someone else’s shoes, you have no right to judge. I can be polite but those who are critical of others due to lack of experience or just plain “judgy” types have no room in my life.

2. People who veil prejudices in religion – This makes me nuts. Religion never gives you permission to hate a group of people no matter how many Bible verses you quote. Once your child dies by suicide, watching people debate things about how others live their lives because it doesn’t line up with their limited “religious” views is such a waste of energy.

3. People who are narcissists – They will never do anything for anyone other than themselves. A total waste of my time.

4. Sweating the small stuff – I see people getting totally undone about the simplest of things. Life is way too short to stress about the neighbor not getting his recycle bin put back.

5. Bitterness – Can’t hang around it. Can’t tolerate it. I’m done with bitter people. I feel I have every right to feel bitter and angry after losing a son to suicide. But I don’t want to live my life that way. It would be a dishonor to my late son and the living one to do so and being around people who are that way just bring me down.

6. People who constantly complain that it’s not like the “old days” – Let me tell you. It’s never going to be the same again. It just isn’t. Waxing sentimental every once in a while is fine. Being a constant complainer drains the people around you. You want to go back to prairie life scrubbing laundry on a wash board? Nothing makes someone sound older than this type of complaining all the time.

7. Adults that act like children – We are seeing a lot of that with our presidential candidates. I refuse to give them one second of attention or promotion by discussing it on social media. It’s so effing ridiculous it’s not worth my time.

8. Arrogant people who are possessed with stuff  – It’s stuff. For so many years, we had to sell stuff to get services for my son. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Because I can replace stuff. I can’t replace the time I spent with him. With every item that comes into my house, at least two have to go!

9. People that stigmatize or make fun of those with disabilities – You know how passionate I am about this. I understand that not everyone knows everything about mental illness or other disabilities. But be willing to listen and learn. I’m not going to throw you under the bus because you say the “wrong thing”. But I am going to take that as an opportunity to educate you. I love comedians. But to me, if you are making fun of those with disabilities, you just are not creative enough to command my attention. It’s too easy to go all shock jock.

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Grief and Suicide: It was not my choice to reinvent myself

13 thoughts on “9 Things I no longer tolerate since my son’s suicide”

  1. My son passed away at home, by suicide. He was 33 yrs. young! I’m bitter and angry at the world, at the condition of our mental health care system! I am angry at my son for giving up on himself. But most of all I hate me for letting go for 6 months to the day it happened. August 20, 2017
    Peace, Perfect Peace Matthew xoxo We love you to the moon and back our very own MaGyver.

  2. BOOM! So happy to hear this! All you really need to do is to concentrate on YOU. I know you to be a nonjudgmental person with love and hope for all. This is one of the phases of grief. Sounds like you are really in it and working the steps. #girlfriend code. Those who really love you and your family will understand that this is an essential part of your journey, and recovery! ❤️️

  3. This was written with so much experience and means a lot to me. Sometimes I really do not want folks to ask about my daughter, as I know they are just curious. I think it makes them feel so lucky they do not have my “problem”. Only people who have walked the walk truely understand.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Nancy

  4. Anne- Thank you for being so authentic and honest.
    While my son, Daniel 23, did not die from suicide (he died of a drug overdose May 14, 2014 after battling the addiction for 7 years) it changes your perceptive on everything. Not only from the actual death, but from the years of pain and struggle leading up to it. No one really understands and the isolation during the struggle and after his death is hard.

  5. Recently went on a professional trip. When no one asked how my child was doing, I had such mixed emotions, still do. These people have been on this journey “with me” (??) for years. 72 hours together and no asking? Judgement? Did they not want the dark cloud on this trip? Not sure. For me, it was again, that lonely feeling. And, for the record, things are not going well. I guess I wanted someone to ask. I’m sad. So isolated. Thank you for sharing your journey. I think of you and your son so very often. Mental illness sucks.

    1. It is soooooo isolating. I never felt so alone in my life and that’s why I wrote the article in 2014. I had just had enough. It was the first time I went completely public. Although Charles did find out about the article and didn’t like it. It’s just so awful Sara. I do know how you feel. So little emotional support. I think they just don’t know what to say. There were times I starting speaking about Charles and would be cut off mid-sentence! I was shocked. Same thing. Like if my son is not getting a scholarship for soccer it was not important. It really hurts. So I am asking you. How is your son? I want to hear even if it’s not good news. I will always welcome a post from you if you want to write one here. But comments are fine, too.

      1. Thank you for understanding!!! I did try a few times in my trip— and I was cut off, soooo true. You are so right. It was all about college admissions and exercising and their amaxing-life shit.

        My son is struggling—unmediated and self medicating. I need to build up strength. Thank you for reminding me I am not alone, and your suggestions in your most recent post are exactly what I need. I need to get more support in place for me. It has to happen! My boy is managing to work and do a little school, so that is good. But, if he is not sober and doing his own work in therapy, etc, I know the cycle will continue. He is a lot like your son, it seems, and I am always worrying. So very hard. Thank you for understanding. Charles is looking down and is so proud of you!

  6. I’m either a really intolerant person or we have a helluva lot in common. Although I can never feel your feels (and hopefully never will), I definitely feel you! This is kind of how life should be, IMHO.

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