You may think you are not guilty of stigma

Addiction. Depression. Suicide. Our family suffered the triple stigma, all of them with our son Charles. He didn’t want to admit depression due to stigma and was even more hesitant to accept help.

What characterizes stigma?

I asked friends about how to raise money to get help for Charles addiction and depression since we were tapped out. When I mentioned that a friend wanted to do a FundMe campaign of some kind, all eyes were downcast. Silence. Squirming. Awkwardness. An uncomfortable feeling overall. That is stigma. It’s that very moment when your eyes cast downward and you sort of freeze up like a line has been crossed.

I do not fault friends for a reaction I would have had myself if I were on the other side of that question. Because it is completely natural. But they were telling me it wouldn’t be well received and I would be embarrassing myself. And they were probably right.

Why is it OK to raise money for a band but not for a family in a mental health crisis? Why is it OK to have a fundraiser for breast cancer but not to help pay for long term treatment for someone suffering from depression?

I remember the moment so vividly and I am thankful for it

Why? Because it was in that very moment that the seed was planted. I would later reflect on that moment multiple times until I realized what I needed to do and that was run toward it and not away from it.

Persistent, consistent conversation worked for erasing the taboo of breast cancer. And it can happen with mental health, addiction and suicide.no-shame

When a mom posted on my wall about her current crisis with her son in a psych hospital after a suicide attempt, people hit “like” but comments were a little slower to come.

This mom needed and still needs our emotional support.  Just like you do when your mom is in the hospital.  She kept updating and then more likes and comments followed. I admire this mom for reaching out. I understand the loneliness and isolation you feel when your child suffers from a mental illness.

That uncomfortable feeling you got when you read it, that moment when you were deciding whether it’s appropriate to talk about such a subject on someone’s Facebook wall, is stigma.

All I am doing is making you aware of what stigma is specifically so you can recognize that emotion within yourself. Learning a new thought process is not easy. Making those practices habit takes awareness and then more practice.

What is your incentive to make that change?

It will save lives. Our silence kills people. The louder we are, the more effective we will be in getting more resources because no one does anything about something they’ve not heard about.

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my youngest son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

2 thoughts on “You may think you are not guilty of stigma”

  1. PS. Thank you! My son has been reading some of your posts, and you have helped him to get a little closer to getting help! Oxox

  2. Thank you for speaking up and out about this stigma. It is so lonely suffering alone with your child. Just recently, I took the risk and shared with a “new friend”. I quickly learned her seven year old was just hospitalized in recent months. We were able to discuss local hospitals, meds, and the isolation we feel. Instantly, our friendship changed and morphed in a different manner—we are kindred spirits. It is also lonely for our kids—perhaps they will be more apt to share and reach out to others if we model this behavior even just a little bit. Thank you for sharing about your journey. Your unbelievable and devastating hardship are making a difference in the abyss so many of us walk in. Hugs, Sara N.

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