The evolution of my heart

#griefheart heavy heart
Heavy Heart

When I first heard the news of my son’s suicide, the weight of it lay heavy on my chest, pressed me to the floor, and pinned me to my despair. As I moved through this journey called grief, I had days where it opened so wide with love and appreciation, I thought it might explode.

Heart full of love

There were many times when I felt as if I was a kite on a tight string in a high wind flapping furiously in circles–ready to snap any moment. Darkness would move in and rob my motivation, take my energy and render me catatonic.

Many days my heart was drained as I clung to a small pilot light of hope.

#griefheart project unmotivated heart
Unmotivated Heart

Other hearts joined mine and they allowed me to feel joy. Or cry.

I had no idea how long it would take to heal and what would be left of me when I got to that place in my travels. I had no idea what it meant to “carry someone in your heart.” But I do now.

Carry him in my heart

At first, it didn’t seem possible. I couldn’t see that far ahead and if I could have I would not have believed it.

It is possible to heal after the loss of a child. Don’t expect to be the same person you were before or that you won’t experience periods of profound grief. You somehow learn to live with it and keep loving.

See all the hearts from the #griefheart project, many of which were sent over the years as thousands saw hearts in everyday scenarios.

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked mental health speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind and co-author with Kim O'Brien PhD, LICSW of Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my younger son, Charles to addiction and suicide on June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational mental health keynotes, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, anxiety, coping strategies/resilience, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Mental Health Speakers Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

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