Step Away

by Bart Bright

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Kevin Bright is on the right

On August 14, 2018, my son, Kevin, died by suicide. He was 29 years old. Kevin suffered from depression and cannabis-induced psychosis, (a diagnosis in the DSM-5).

Kevin told my wife and me about his cannabis use at 15

He agreed to get help. Over the next 14 years, Kevin participated in many recovery programs. He experienced periods of health and happiness while in recovery. Unfortunately, after a while, he would go back to his drug of choice, high THC cannabis. As he increased his cannabis use we started witnessing psychotic behavior. (We learned, after Kevin’s suicide, about cannabis-induced psychosis. We read about it on the Johnnysambassadors.org website.)

One of the last articulate things Kevin said to me was, “Cannabis has ruined my life.”

About 15 months before Kevin passed away, my wife and I flew to Spain to walk the last 80 miles of the Camino pilgrimage. We were spiritually and emotionally exhausted! We made our way to Sarria, Spain, and stayed overnight. The next morning we started our eight-day journey to Santiago de Compostela. I anxiously asked God for guidance. I didn’t feel or hear anything.

The next morning I repeated my request and again, all I heard was the wind rushing through the trees. The third day began like the first two, however, I LET GO of any expectation and focused my eyes and attention on my feet. That’s when I heard, “STEP AWAY.” I raised my head, looked around to find the source of the two words I heard, no one in sight. That’s when I realized God had answered my prayer. In my Al-Anon and Mar-Anon meetings I read and hear the sayings, “Detach with Love” and “Let Go, Let God,” now I know what those words mean.

After Kevin took his life I felt empty again.

It was as though God had stayed in Spain and I was on my own. I started drinking more, thinking I could fill the emptiness inside me. After realizing I was going in the wrong direction, thanks to my wife’s help, I started another 12-step program. My soul began to heal as I reached out for help.

My sponsor said something that changed my life. I don’t recall his exact words however, I do remember how his words made me feel. I had hope again. His message was: If you can’t find God, help others and God will find you.

God and Kevin are in my life again

I can’t see them but I feel their love every day.

Thanks to my wife, Anne Moss Rogers, and many others for encouraging me to dig deep and help myself and others. And thanks to my Higher Power for two words,

 “STEP AWAY,” and for being there every step of THE WAY.

To learn more about the impact high THC cannabis has on the developing brain till about 25 years old, go to johnnysambassadors.com. If you need support and hope because of another’s marijuana use go to mar-anon.com. You can also visit a local Families Anonymous or Al-Anon, search “families anonymous your city, your state.” Many times they will be listed locally. Other substance misuse and addiction support resources for families here.

Free ebook: Signs of Drug Use

Learn what I wish I’d known before I lost my son to drug-related suicide

8 thoughts on “Step Away”

  1. Thank you for sharing with us. I am so sorry for your loss of your son. I lost my son, Gage, in April 2019 to suicide. He suffered from alcohol addiction for over twenty years and although at the time of his death he was only two days short of two years sober, I feel that the root causes behind his addiction and possibly still fighting the addiction all became too much and a loss of hope brought on his choice that day. Our soul’s journey of learning to live with our children’s loss is a powerful and often dark one. I agree that God (and our children) find us in those moments and we are able to once again find joy amidst times of sadness that still come to us. May we all be blessed with comfort and peace.

    1. Thank you for your kind comments, Cecelia.
      I’m sorry you lost your son, Gage. I know it’s very difficult and believe you are already honoring your son by sharing his story.
      Take Care,
      Bart

  2. Hi Bart,
    Thank you for sharing your story. It really resonates with me because my son Kevin, 33 years old, also died by suicide. His mental illness followed by alcohol addiction, which led to his suicide. I am glad you found your purpose after “stepping away”. It would be a year on February 28 since I lost Kevin and its brutal. I am still looking for my purpose to honor Kevin. Grade and peace.

    1. Hi Chano,
      I’m sorry you lost you son, Kevin, as a result of mental illness, addiction and suicide. I am praying for you and your family. You are not alone. Please continue to reach out for support.
      Take Care,
      Bart

  3. Dear Bart and Anne Moss,

    Thank you so much for sharing your sons Kevin and Charles with all.
    I feel it is so important that we share their cautions with other families, help our sons speak to those who need to hear them.

    My son Andy is with Kevin and Charles in spirit, his death a marijuana induced suicide in 2014.
    Our boys live forever through our helping them help others.

    Thank you, thank you.

    1. Thank you, Sally.

      Your love and support helped Hazel and I find the courage to move forward.

      I agree… Andy, Charles and Kevin are supporting us in this journey.

      Thanks again!
      Bart

  4. This is such an important story. Thank you for sharing. We lost our son, Luke, to depression/anxiety and high THC addiction in 2018. Despite being in the mental health field myself, providers were uninformed and dismissive of my concerns regarding watching my beautiful, smart, funny son lose himself to addiction. Sending you love and light for sharing.

    1. Thank you, Sarah.
      I’m so sorry for your loss.
      I agree, I have heard from, (received emails from, etc) many parents who have similar stories. Thank God, not all their stories involved the death of their loved one, however, all of them wish they had known about Cannabis Induced Psychosis.
      Take Care,
      Bart

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