Note from Anne Moss: Larry emailed me last year and he has struggled with thoughts of suicide since donating an organ. He is from in the highest risk group for suicide in both Canada and US, middle aged white males. This latest email is published here with his permission and to show you how hard people fight their ideation.
“Shortly after my last email below I did a 180 and very nearly ended my life. I was in such deep despair I had decided it was best to end my wife’s pain at watching my steady decline and end my own pain at the same time.
After having survived the attempt, I was hospitalized for a month where I received extensive therapy from a team of caring people. My wife did not know the extent of this until after I was admitted and I came clean about my suicide attempt.
It was a brutal moment for us both but I promised no more secrets about my constant ideations.
Following my discharge from the psych unit, I was re-admitted into the Day Hospital program and allowed to begin it from the start. I am now in my last week of the 4-week program and look forward to completion.
I have plenty of work left to do personally but I am in a much better place and no longer a threat to myself. Though I still experience suicidal ideation, I have new coping strategies to help me move forward when they occur.
I cannot thank the people enough who have supported me and am very grateful for their gift of love and compassion. My wife has been through hell dealing with my illness and I know I’m a very fortunate man to have such an amazing and wonderful wife and best friend in my life. I cannot find sufficient words to express this adequately.
I will conclude by adding that I am always deeply touched by the stories other readers have contributed to Emotionally Naked. I follow your blog faithfully and read your to-do list this morning. And I just finished reading your beautiful tribute to your son, Charles. Thank you again for sharing your heart-wrenching story.
You called me a fighter and I’m still trying to honor that.”