Ambivalence meets the new year

As a person who looks forward more than backward, I have always enjoyed the new year. But since Charles died by suicide there is the conflicted feeling I’m leaving him farther behind with each change of the calendar. I want to put on the brakes and stop the year from advancing.

But I can’t stop time no matter how much I deny it’s happening.

This year has been rough. On January 2, six months after radiation for a benign brain tumor, I lost one of my vocal cords and my once robust voice was no longer that.

Trouble swallowing came with it and the radiation also triggered upper esophageal reflux so I had to drastically alter my diet to high alkaline. Fortunately this tumor is now fried and can no longer cause damage. But the disabilities are permanent and I have spent the better part of this year in speech therapy, swallow therapy, and various in office surgeries. Thank God for microphones because I was able to keep up my speaking circuit.

I try and focus on the good part– that the holidays are over and the days are starting to get longer. I focus on my goals, that by the way, I met in 2018. This year, pretty much every goal leads to the big one, securing an agent for my book. And for that, I’m pushing on the gas pedal into 2019.

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my youngest son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

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