Day #8 of the 12 Days of Coping with Christmas

This one is easy but difficult for some to do. Talking about your loved one helps heal.

The eighth coping strategy is “talk.”

Many of you have realized that other people will completely ignore you and wish you’d just stop talking about your dead or suffering child. But this is my argument to those people, “I will stop talking about my dead child when you stop talking about your living ones.”

I have written a lot on this subject and refuse to let someone else make me bury the memory of my child because it makes them uncomfortable. Someone who does is “grief shaming” you.

You deserve to talk about your child and if your friends and family are making you feel guilty for it. Share one of the articles here so they get the message. It has worked for others.

If you don’t talk about your child, who will?

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AnneMoss Rogers

AnneMoss Rogers is a mental health and suicide education expert, mental health speaker, suicide prevention trainer and consultant. She is author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind and co-author of Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk with Kim O'Brien PhD, LICSW. She raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost her younger son, Charles to addiction and suicide on June 5, 2015. She is a motivational speaker who empowers by educating and provides life saving strategies and emotionally healthy coping skills. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now that's the legacy she carries forward in her son's memory. Mental Health Speakers Website.

8 thoughts on “Day #8 of the 12 Days of Coping with Christmas”

  1. Thank you for your blog. I am BOD President for NAMI , dedicated volunteers helping those with Mental health, loss of loved one , and so much more. Blogs are very helpful. Thanks so much

    1. Thank you so much for what you do. Tammy writes on this site and she leads a NAMI support group and speaks for the organization, too. NAMI offers so many great programs and I often recommend the family to family which is hands-down one of the best programs in the country for helping families understand how to live with those who suffer mental illness and be part of recovery instead of unknowingly hindering it. Glad to have you as part of the tribe here.

  2. Your child is your child.
    Dead or alive.
    I admire your strength.
    I am a weak person.
    I was a very poor parent to my 2 daughters. I was always thinking I was a halfway decent mom but my youngest daughter brought something up when she was 6. Apparently they were talking to their dad (who I had recently divorced) & I made them say their last goodbye and hang up. I didn’t remember the incident at all. I was prob drunk & wallowing in self pity (i excel in self pity).
    I found this site as I searched for suicide methods. I really have no reason to be alive. I have nothing. No friends, my daughters hate me, my parents are dead, I don’t talk to my 2 surviving older siblings.
    Just hoping I have the guts to not be alive on Monday.

    1. I hope like everything you are here on Monday. That person you spoke about was a mom who suffered from a disease. You were in there somewhere. When I have spoke to women who have been incarcerated or in recovery the stories are similar. One mom confessed to me crying that she did heroin with her child. And in, when my son needed help, didn’t got with my gut and just go get him. I have so many regrets. But at one point I had to forgive myself. And I hope you can do that too. You will find support here. I want you to stay alive. In recovery you will find others who have regrets and support. Many times at least some of the family members forgive their parent who had been ill. Please come back. Commenting here took courage. If I can go on stage today and talk about my story, the ugly and the good, you can do this. Live. Please. We need you.

  3. I hate Christmas too. This year I will be totally alone by myself.
    I managed to alienate my youngest daughter last night.
    A path I took that will never be fixed.
    And yeah I was drunk.
    My goals for myself this weekend is just one. That I won’t be alive on Monday morning.
    I have been researching suicide for the last week.
    Hopefully I will have the guts to do it tonight.

    1. I am so sorry for your pain. And your regrets. I have struggled so with those regrets the most. You are suicidal but at the same time at a point when you are ready for recovery. I hope to god you choose recovery.

  4. I’ve had that “brush off” from people because I’m talking about it. It gets to the point though that with limited energy supply right now (because of the holiday season), I just don’t have it in me to push into it too much. This is the time of year, I tend to hibernate until it passes.

    1. With shorter days, my energy is low too. And the grief. It’s heavy. But I talk. And talk. It’s one of the top reason I started this blog. Because it felt like no one wanted listen.

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