Day #8 of the 12 Days of Coping with Christmas

This one is easy but difficult for some to do. Talking about your loved one helps heal.

The eighth coping strategy is “talk.”

Many of you have realized that other people will completely ignore you and wish you’d just stop talking about your dead or suffering child. But this is my argument to those people, “I will stop talking about my dead child when you stop talking about your living ones.”

I have written a lot on this subject and refuse to let someone else make me bury the memory of my child because it makes them uncomfortable. Someone who does is “grief shaming” you.

You deserve to talk about your child and if your friends and family are making you feel guilty for it. Share one of the articles here so they get the message. It has worked for others.

If you don’t talk about your child, who will?

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Let people know it’s OK to talk about your deceased child

 

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am the mother of two boys and the owner of emotionally naked, a site that reached a quarter million people in its first 18 months. I am a writer and professional public speaker on the topics of suicide, addiction, mental illness, and grief and currently working on getting a book published. I lost my youngest son, Charles, 20, to suicide June 5, 2015. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory.

6 thoughts on “Day #8 of the 12 Days of Coping with Christmas”

  1. Your child is your child.
    Dead or alive.
    I admire your strength.
    I am a weak person.
    I was a very poor parent to my 2 daughters. I was always thinking I was a halfway decent mom but my youngest daughter brought something up when she was 6. Apparently they were talking to their dad (who I had recently divorced) & I made them say their last goodbye and hang up. I didn’t remember the incident at all. I was prob drunk & wallowing in self pity (i excel in self pity).
    I found this site as I searched for suicide methods. I really have no reason to be alive. I have nothing. No friends, my daughters hate me, my parents are dead, I don’t talk to my 2 surviving older siblings.
    Just hoping I have the guts to not be alive on Monday.

    1. I hope like everything you are here on Monday. That person you spoke about was a mom who suffered from a disease. You were in there somewhere. When I have spoke to women who have been incarcerated or in recovery the stories are similar. One mom confessed to me crying that she did heroin with her child. And in, when my son needed help, didn’t got with my gut and just go get him. I have so many regrets. But at one point I had to forgive myself. And I hope you can do that too. You will find support here. I want you to stay alive. In recovery you will find others who have regrets and support. Many times at least some of the family members forgive their parent who had been ill. Please come back. Commenting here took courage. If I can go on stage today and talk about my story, the ugly and the good, you can do this. Live. Please. We need you.

  2. I hate Christmas too. This year I will be totally alone by myself.
    I managed to alienate my youngest daughter last night.
    A path I took that will never be fixed.
    And yeah I was drunk.
    My goals for myself this weekend is just one. That I won’t be alive on Monday morning.
    I have been researching suicide for the last week.
    Hopefully I will have the guts to do it tonight.

    1. I am so sorry for your pain. And your regrets. I have struggled so with those regrets the most. You are suicidal but at the same time at a point when you are ready for recovery. I hope to god you choose recovery.

  3. I’ve had that “brush off” from people because I’m talking about it. It gets to the point though that with limited energy supply right now (because of the holiday season), I just don’t have it in me to push into it too much. This is the time of year, I tend to hibernate until it passes.

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