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Author: Gor Rivenshield

I hurt those around me who love me

by Gor Rivenshield

hurting

Author’s note: this is neither wholly irrational nor rational. There is a method to my madness, and madness to my method. This is a perspective, a state of mind; not a statement of fact but a report from the shadows most dare not report on.

I am a monster. I am a burden. I hurt those around me who love me. I hurt those around me who don’t even know I exist. I hurt myself. I hurt.

The previous paragraph is not rational in an objective sense. I know this, intellectually. I can and have run rings … Read more...

I feel guilty for passing my mental illness to my son

by Gor Rivenshield

I’m 58 and I’ve attempted eight times, nine if you count the train incident, over a period from 1978 to 2011. So, yeah, I’ve struggled with depression and lost at times. Three of those attempts, and the train incident, occurred while taking prescribed psychiatric meds.

I’ve been on just about every anti-depressant, plus meds to counteract (unsuccessfully) the negative effects of the anti-depressants. I’m talking about two to four months of waiting for any, ANY, positive effects. The last psychiatrist just looked at me after we went through the list of meds I’d been on and sighed. … Read more...