Does the guilt stalk you?

Having a child struggle with substance misuse made me feel like a failure. Hadn’t we talked about drug use? Hadn’t I been open about losing his cousin Reese to the substance use disorder?

People didn’t want me to talk about him. I think they thought steering the conversation to another subject would help me “forget” it. I felt like a dismal failure then, too.

Other people’s kids were doing normal kid things. My oldest was, too.

They were winning awards, doing well in sports, getting good grades. What were they doing that I was not? Comparison really is the thief … Read more...

Let it go


At some point, you have to ask yourself, what is that baggage doing for me?

To move forward after Charles’ suicide, I had to let things go.

Like anger. Guilt. Shame.

Unlike other suicide loss survivors, I never felt a lot of shame. When we first started seeing signs of drug use, I did feel shame but as I educated myself, I came to realize addiction was an illness.

So I let it go.

I had some flashes of anger after Charles killed himself but I never thought he died by suicide to hurt me. I never felt anger at anyone else either. I didn’t blame anyone or think someone … Read more...