Whitten and Me

by Gray Maher

Whitten Maher

What an easy, adorable baby.  A sensitive, angelic little boy. We tried so hard to give him siblings but they were not to be. We would do our best for our only child, and I would wait for grandchildren.

Whitten and I were very close when he was little and spent all our time together. He was my buddy.

A smart, witty teenager.  A kind and serious young man. An over-thinker. A lonely philosopher.  A gay man who came out to us at 21.

It was a nonevent in many ways. I had known since … Read more...

Looking for hope and joy after my son’s suicide

I am standing somewhere noisy when all of a sudden a memory hits me and my heart freezes, breathing all but stops. The crowd becomes this surreal din of noise and I physically shrink in size while the colors of the room smudge together as the grief wave settles in. Lonely is the best way to describe it because right then, I am sure no one could feel such pain in their heart–right down to my muscles and bones.

It will subside but sometimes I want to hold onto it longer because it makes me feel closer to the child Read more...