Family Love – #griefheart number 7

#griefheart and grieving heart
Family Love

For months, I have mourned not having this song, “Family Matters.” Charles wanted to record that rap song and publish it to iTunes through Imperial Alliance Media, but he died before that happened. I believe he wrote this one about 10 months before he died. So I pick up his backpack and turn to a page and there it is! I have been looking and looking. And it was here the whole time. What a gift.

Charles died by suicide June 5, 2015 and I think he wrote it in May of 2014 before he was addicted to anything. And … Read more...

Grateful Heart – #griefheart number 6

Grateful Heart
Grateful Heart

I had wondered at one point, “How do I show grateful heart?”

This group of friends added a bright spot to my life in my darkest hour. And they continue to do so. Before Charles died, they listened. Since his death, they listen.

You should see all the contortions we went through to get this right. We tried all kinds of complex moves. But in the end, simplicity won. This one in particular means a lot to me. The group effort a part of that love. 🙂 See the outtakes below.

There have been other special friends (BFFs) … Read more...

Hurting Heart – #griefheart number 5

hurting-heart #griefheart-5
Hurting heart

Been painful this month. I think because his birthday is April 26. He would have been 21.

What is this all about? I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on the blog by #griefheart category.… Read more...

Heart full of memories – #griefheart number 4

#griefheart 4
Heart full of memories –both painful and delightful

My heart is full of memories of Charles today. As a baby, toddler, middle schooler, high schooler. Memories both painful and delightful–the roller coaster of grief.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

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Heart on His Sleeve – #griefheart number 3

#griefheart 3 heart on his sleeve
Heart on his sleeve

Charles wore his heart on his sleeve. I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve now. So this is only fitting as to how I feel today.

This heart is made out of his clothing. His skinny, tall sweet-smelling shirts.

One of the hallmarks of depression is how the sufferer absorbs every one else’s problems and makes them his/her own. I see that in Charles’ music. How he talks over and over about people being hungry and the holocaust. He just couldn’t bear all that. This one is for you my love and for all the others people out there … Read more...

Heart Full of Love – #griefheart number 2

#griefheart
Heart full of love

My heart is full today. Full of memories. Full of love for my child that is gone and the one that is here.

What is this all about? I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on the blog by #griefheart category.… Read more...

Charles always reached out

Charles at Wasatch Academy in Utah

If there was one consistent theme about Charles, it was that he always reached out. He reached out to kids who were not always visible to others and to ones who were highly visible as well.

He put himself at risk socially doing this. But unlike other kids his age, he didn’t care.

He’d put himself on the line and stand up for other kids who had no friends at all or had tons of friends. Kids that felt isolated or depressed or were having a hard time with something in their lives. Kids … Read more...