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4 grief phrases that make your journey more painful

grief

These might also apply to a death of a loved one that is not a suicide.

However, my grief experience is with the suicide of my son, Charles so I wrote from that point of view.

quote-leftI will never get over it

A suicide, or any untimely death, is not something you “get over.” It’s a journey that changes over time. You’ll always miss your loved one but you learn to carry them with you. Saying something as dour as “I’ll never get over it” merely brings you down emotionally. It shatters your hope of having a life and finding joy after the untimely … Read more...

Grief and daylight savings time make me a noodle head

Is my new normal about being stupid?

14787bfee610be209d37056b46883436Nothing is worse for your grief than lack of sleep. You know if you don’t sleep you are weepier and more prone to sinking into the black hole of grief despair.

And nothing kicks that up like that “spring forward” time of year. Not that I have any past experience with grief and spring forward.

I had started to get up earlier and felt a little lift with spring coming when seeing that sunshine come through the blinds. That was prior to Daylight Savings Time (DST).

Adjusting for me has always been hard. … Read more...

Grief: Is that a visit from a ghost?

I feel like I’ve gotten weird and I know some of you might think that my experiences are desperation by a grieving mom.  Maybe they are. But I don’t really know how to explain some of them especially this one.

So here goes.

I’m walking the dog on Wednesday around noon this week, and it’s like 80 degrees F and suddenly out of the blue I feel this very cold, concentrated breeze for lack of a better description. Probably more like a blast. And then it’s gone.

So I look around to see if I’m on a grate or near … Read more...

Suicide. The coulda, woulda conversation in my head goes something like this

My coulda woulda shoulda is that last phone call I had with Charles. Here’s how it goes.

Alter Ego: You missed that last conversation, the one where he texted you, “Please pick up the f@#$%& phone, there is something I need to tell you.”

(my mind usually whines here)

Me: We had already been on the phone for two hours. He was shouting, incoherent and argumentative. I didn’t know where he was. I couldn’t understand him. I said, “I have to go. Bye, bye, I love you.” Then he called again and we talked again.

Alter Ego: But that third phone call, the one that Read more...

Looking for hope and joy after my son’s suicide

I am standing somewhere noisy when all of a sudden a memory hits me and my heart freezes, breathing all but stops. The crowd becomes this surreal din of noise and I physically shrink in size while the colors of the room smudge together as the grief wave settles in. Lonely is the best way to describe it because right then, I am sure no one could feel such pain in their heart–right down to my muscles and bones.

It will subside but sometimes I want to hold onto it longer because it makes me feel closer to the child Read more...

Please do not avoid the subject of my son who died

what to say to someone who lost a child

Probably one of the toughest things about having a child who died, especially one that died by suicide, is that many people avoid you and say nothing. And yes, we notice. In fact, we are hypersensitive to it.

It’s isolating and devastating enough without the added stress of someone obviously avoiding you or the subject because they don’t know what to say. I understand why. But it still hurts.

And sometimes when I have brought it up to eliminate the elephant in the room, people wave me off or turn away like it’s too ugly and they don’t want to … Read more...