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Tag: being true to myself after my son died by suicide

I wish it had been anything but suicide

As I sat in the back of the police car, the officer said, “Charles was found dead in an apartment on Monument Avenue.” I thought it was an overdose. Convinced, actually.

But it was my husband’s question, “How did he die?” and the officer’s answer, “He hung himself,” that took my breath away. Literally. It was an extra twist of the knife that brought with it so many emotions I did not recognize. All at once–with confusion leading in the race.

My first thought once I could think was, “No, no, anything but that. Not that. Please not that.” As … Read more...

Can’t be tamed

My entire life, I have been told, “I love your passion but you need to tame it!” Like the two were separable. That sentence itself is a paradox.  As if the fact that I am bold and think differently is a ugly speck on an otherwise decent personality.

I’ve been made to feel guilty about my forthright personality, encouraged to tame it to be more ladylike and more “in line” with tradition. If only I wasn’t so ambitious, so driven, daring, bold, willing to step outside my comfort zone, and so unwilling to follow traditions I find ludicrous.

If I … Read more...