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Tag: answering the coulda woulda shouldas

The left turn

I’m sitting in traffic on June 4, 2015. It’s about 4:45pm or so.

I am on my way to a running event with my team, a digital marketing company for which I co-owned at the time. All my employees will be there. I have to show up. The weather is ugly and rainy.

I am wearing my company shirt we bought just for this event.

I want to bail but leaving will look like I bailed because of the weather. Having a child with mental health and now addiction issues makes me so unreliable. I told them earlier that day … Read more...

Suicide. The coulda, woulda conversation in my head goes something like this

My coulda woulda shoulda is that last phone call I had with Charles. Here’s how it goes.

Alter Ego: You missed that last conversation, the one where he texted you, “Please pick up the f@#$%& phone, there is something I need to tell you.”

(my mind usually whines here)

Me: We had already been on the phone for two hours. He was shouting, incoherent and argumentative. I didn’t know where he was. I couldn’t understand him. I said, “I have to go. Bye, bye, I love you.” Then he called again and we talked again.

Alter Ego: But that third phone call, the one that … Read more...