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Charming hearts – #griefheart number 93

many-hearts
Charming hearts

These little heart charms from my friend Carole in Fayetteville. They are so cute–all unique and different. Part of Charles’ charm was his eccentricity, his love of people, family and friends. Then there was his sense of humor, his amazing timing, his writing and undeniable creativity and talent.

People were always drawn in by Charles from the time he was a baby. He was charming by accident. I think he didn’t want to let people down by letting them know he suffered from depression.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest … Read more...

Piece of my heart – #griefheart number 92

piece-of-my-heart-missing

I will heal and I will move forward but a piece of my heart will always be missing.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.… Read more...

Endless love – #griefheart number 87

My love for Charles didn’t end with his suicide. It will go on until the day I die. Hopefully that won’t be any time soon.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

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Love you to the moon and back – #griefheart number 84

Love you to the moon and back
Love you to the moon and back

Randy used to read Charles the book, “Love you to the Moon and Back.” When he picked up his phone last week and typed in his password, there it was in his face. It took his breath away because he had not even thought about that book and had not looked it up. I smiled and told him he’d gotten his first “sign” from Charles.

I was stumped until today on how to illustrate the concept of a moon and a heart when I saw the swiss cheese in our refrigerator. Even though he’s … Read more...

Whipped heart – #griefheart number 83

This is my 4th of July whipped cream pie. Charles loved whipped cream like I did. Some of you had kids that drank from the milk carton. Not Charles. He sprayed whipped cream directly into his mouth.

Today my heart felt whipped and beaten. There are just days it feels that way.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

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Eternal Love – #griefheart 74

Charles may have died but my love for him never will.  It burns eternal in my soul.

From Charles:

“So play this when your day is gray when hope is dim
When happiness is growing slim
Listen to me rap then reverse the grim
Burn the hurt, let my words do the work”

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

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Love of drama – #griefheart 66

Love of drama
Love of drama

Charles loved the stage. And it loved him. Stand up comedy, rapping, plays. I spoke here June 15, 2016 in Richmond, VA about our journey since losing him to suicide at age 20 and the #griefheart project. Such a supportive crowd for Talk20 Richmond. I saw the face and thought, “That’s a #griefheart!”

From his drama teacher at Wasatch Academy where he graduated high school.

“I brought a group of Comedy class students to Cedar City where Off the Cuff, a professional group of Improvisers, graciously allowed us to perform with them. Charles was amazing and … Read more...

Pop Tart Heart– #griefheart number 53

Pop Tart Heart
Pop Tart Heart

Charles pretty much had the worst diet ever. If it was a processed food, he loved it. And he loved those brown sugar cinnamon pop tarts. Oh how I worried about his teeth.

I didn’t buy pop tarts but Randy would buy them “for the kids.” When I saw these in the pantry today (can’t use that “bought them for the kids excuse any more), it reminded me of Charles and made me smile.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by … Read more...

Super Heart – #griefheart number 45

#griefheart
Super Heart

Charles loved super heroes. The “man of steel” was his favorite. All super heroes have some pain in their past and I think now he identified with that.

He was always intrigued with super powers and used to talk of mechanical hands and flying as late as eighth grade. I think he hoped a super power could fix him.  And maybe a super power did.

This S is for Suicide Awareness. Thank you all for helping me spread awareness of a subject cloaked in silence.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See … Read more...

Love of Games – #griefheart number 42

#griefheart
Love of Games

Charles loved games! Every single kind of game. Couldn’t ever get enough of them. When he was little and wanted to read, he loved the phonics game. He loved chess and played that with his Dad. He was in the chess club for a while and played at The Family School in upstate NY. He was pretty good.

It always amazed me that this kid with ADHD had the patience to play chess. But Charles loved strategy and for some reason he could concentrate on a game. Probably because it meant more to him than math homework … Read more...

Lyrical Heart -#griefheart number 40

Word heart
Lyrical heart

Charles had a way with words. From stories he wrote to songs he rapped, he was something else with a pen. This was his way of coping as it is mine.

He would take these magnet words and make the funniest sentences that only Charles could think of. He was master of funny. Such a creative genius.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.… Read more...

Heart of Gold – #griefheart number 31

Heart of Gold
Heart of Gold

Charles had a heart of gold. Yes, he suffered from depression. Ultimately succumbed to an addiction to heroin and died by suicide.

But the person underneath the illness of addiction was a sweet, thoughtful person who cared about others. My sweetheart of a child was imperfect. He was stubborn. He was his own person. I do wish he was here with me. But I’ll have to carry him in my own heart instead.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart Read more...

All Heart – #griefheart number 19

#griefheart
All Heart

Charles was all heart and This is part of a card sent to Charles by his beloved theatre group in his sophomore year (I think) in high school and Mrs. Fretwell, his favorite teacher ever. Charles had cracked his skull, supposedly on a skateboard accident. But later we found out he’d cracked his skull “car surfing.”In his sophomore year, Charles was engaging in riskier and riskier behavior which is, by the way, a sign of suicide and depression.–that cavalier attitude about life being a red flag.

This accident in the hospital was the first time Charles took opiates. We had been

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Happy Birthday Heart – #griefheart number 16

16-birthday-heart
Happy birthday heart

For me, the birthday is the hardest. I imagine what he’d be doing at the same time his picture has not aged and he is forever frozen at age 20. His friends have moved forward, graduated from college, gotten jobs, gotten married. He turns a year older to our family but the day is not preceded with the typical Charles banter of what kind of celebration we are going to have on his big day.

Happy birthday my love. You would have been 21 today, April 26, 2016. I will carry you in my heart forever.… Read more...

Heart of steel – #griefheart number 11

#griefheart
Heart of steel

These were Charles’ favorite shoes. Nanny gave them to him. These were the last shoes he was wearing when he died by suicide. So ironic that he’d be wearing “Man of Steel” shoes.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on the blog by #griefheart category.… Read more...