I remember waking up. Then dreading that I woke up and reality hitting me like ice water in the face.
My child is dead. I am the mother of child who killed himself. I actually feel as if I am in someone else’s skin because it feels so foreign and prickly. I just want to slide out of myself and into someone else’s life. Anything but the one I’m in right now.
Randy and I hold each other sobbing. The coulda, woulda, shoudas hitting us hard in the light of day.
From the Orlando night club shooting to the siege and beheadings of foreigners in Bangladesh to sniper shootings in Dallas and the terror attack in France, we have seen many brutal and shocking tragedies in the last 33 days. So much senseless loss. And for what?
While we don’t know how to fight this new war, its angry unseen enemies with no rules or regard for human life, we can support families around the world who are grieving the loss of loved ones.
I hate that my project is so relevant to what’s happening in the world right now. My … Read more...
Today was one of those days where my heart just felt frozen in place–sort of like I was just existing, treading water, going nowhere. It’s one of those days where I question everything I’m doing and just wonder if any of what I want to happen will come to be. I just felt stuck.
It’s that draggy grief feeling that I have come to recognize as disbelief that I am without the son I thought would be here till I die. It’s another face of grief. Tomorrow is another day.
These little heart charms from my friend Carole in Fayetteville. They are so cute–all unique and different. Part of Charles’ charm was his eccentricity, his love of people, family and friends. Then there was his sense of humor, his amazing timing, his writing and undeniable creativity and talent.
People were always drawn in by Charles from the time he was a baby. He was charming by accident. I think he didn’t want to let people down by letting them know he suffered from depression.
It took me one year and a month to post these. Thank you Wendy Holt for grabbing a camera that day and filming or I wouldn’t have them. My brain was still too fried and in shock to think of anything other than trying to make it through the day.
People gathered around Charles like a moth to a flame. I feel like I lost a son and I feel like I have lost Elvis. He was that on-the-spot talented. He could make up a rap song in an instant to cheer someone up or a joke that would bring … Read more...