Redefining the meaning of ‘the first birthday’

This is not my son’s first birthday. It’s the first birthday since he died. He would have been 21.

grief, loss, suicide, the first birthday after suicide
Charles’ 20th birthday

Years ago, I dreamed we would be in a better place with Charles–with his depression and addiction. His sleep disorder, his anxiety, his ADHD. We worked so hard at it.

Instead we are read more

Heavy Heart- #griefheart number 15

#griefheart heavy heart

Every limb feels heavy today. Nothing going right either and you tend to take things harder when you are grieving.

You are weighing on my heart today Charles. One of those days I can hardly breathe. Been reading your music and your words. I finally found that song about Cal. Too ironic. Thank you for read more

Can you make your suicide story positive?

And yes I get this question a lot. And no, I can’t. I won’t.

I won’t sugar coat my story. I won’t lie for the sake of saving you tears. I won’t avoid the subject of my son and his suicide.8615555b339ed34ce94880229f47873d

Most importantly, I won’t leave you without hope.

Many times when he read more

Love from Arizona – #griefheart number 14

#griefheart
Love, from Arizona

Charles’ Grandparents, Meemaw and Grandpa, live in Georgia but are currently traveling in Arizona. Myra sent this today. Love to my baby boy, 20, who spent last two birthdays (April 26) with his grandparents. My heart does feel like stone it’s so heavy.

Thanks to the Rogers and Nimocks read more

Waves of Love – #griefheart number 13

#griefheart thoughtful heart

This heart was sent to me by Debbie Morrison. It appeared on the beach, she took the picture and sent it by text today with the message, “Thinking of you.”

It represents the waves of love and outpouring of support I have gotten since Charles died. Support which has been so important read more

Impromptu Recovery Speech for JHW Foundation

I went to a donor reception for JHW Foundation and heard from three success stories. I am sorry I didn’t get the young ladies on video. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house as they told their stories about how JHW Foundation read more

Proud Heart – #griefheart number 12

#griefheart project
Proud Heart

The first time we did this, I thought it was #iamnotashamed but it’s #imnotashamed. I’m and not I am.

I am sending this to TeamNotAshamed today so it was only fitting to make it today’s #griefheart. Rachel Griffen, a singer songwriter, read more

Heart of steel – #griefheart number 11

#griefheart
Heart of steel

These were Charles’ favorite shoes. Nanny gave them to him. These were the last shoes he was wearing when he died by suicide. So ironic that he’d be wearing “Man of Steel” shoes.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all # read more

Addiction: What is rock bottom?

Everyone tells you that tough love is the way to go with those with substance abuse disorder (aka addiction).  What no one tells you is when to help your addict.

No one defines “rock bottom” or when it might be time to actually help your addict.Rock

I’m talking about once you have read more